So I've always been a really fast walker. I'm not quite sure why, but I have a few theories. When I was a kid, I used to go for walks with my mom. Given her height, which is about 2 inches shy of my own, my mom is an exceptionally fast walker. I remember having to jog every few steps just to keep up with her. Even now she can outpace me when we're randomly out and about. My mom walks with purpose, moving from one place to the other as expediently as possible. Although, now that she's retired, maybe not so much...there's all the time in the world for her to get where she's going. So yeah, from a young age I was always trying to keep up with the speed demon known as my mother. When I wasn't with mom, I was the one that my friends were trying to keep up with. My friend Dana used to yell at me while we were perusing the mall because I'd be walking from to place to place so fast, while she just wanted to leisurely browse.
I've always had this drive to get where I'm going to as quickly as possible. It's not even a conscious thought, it's just there. I don't know why...there's no reason, there's no rush...I just walk really fast pretty much all the time. Simon makes fun of me by walking really fast and leaving me behind on purpose, and there's no way I can keep up with those long legs of his without jogging along. He's such a turd. Half the time I won't even realize that he's doing it until I'm out of breath and practically tripping over my own feet in an effort to keep pace.
And poor Cooper...I'll take him out for a walk, which is supposed to be his time to get out and pee on everything and enjoy his time outside. I'll be walking along at my normal pace, practically dragging him along behind me. Granted, he does feel the need to pee on literally everything, even when his little bladder is completely exhausted of urine. Who has time for that? Not me! I've got places to go...or do I?
My pace has never been more evident than in the the last month when I've been working with nursing students. At work, I walk even faster than normal, my nursing clogs clacking their way down the hallway, notifying anyone in front of me that I will very shortly be coming through. The only time I walk slow at work is when I'm sneaking into a patient's room at night to make sure they're still breathing...I can't go speeding into their room or I'll wake them up. Sometimes even when I'm sneaking I wake them up, but I try not to.
So these past few weeks, I've been very aware of my pace, realizing that quite frequently, I leave my poor nursing student in the dust. I'll fly up out of my chair and and will be in the patient's room before she's even left the nursing station. And I feel bad about it. I don't mean to leave her behind, it's nothing personal, it's just how I walk.
And the funny thing is, being aware that I'm leaving her behind has actually gotten me to slow down a little bit. And you know what? Nothing has changed. If I leisurely walk to a patient's room, the outcome is the same. I really don't shave any time off by speed-walking down the hallway...not that I'm consciously trying to shave time in the first place, but I've noticed that my pace doesn't really affect the outcome when I get where I'm going.
In fact, I've been noticing that when I walk really fast, when I really take the time to think about it, I'm slightly more stressed. And I've noticed that the more stressed I get, the faster I walk. I'm beginning to wonder if my pace in general isn't adding to my overall stress at work. It's like everything is urgent, even when it's not. Delivering a blanket to a patient is not an emergency, and maybe I shouldn't be hoofing around like it is. Again, it's not something that I usually think about, but lately I have been.
Something to work on, at any rate.
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