In the past few weeks, I've debated deleting Facebook from my phone. I had moved it all the way to the very last page of my apps so I didn't see it. It sat there all by its lonesome, with no other apps to keep it company. I've found that if I don't see it, I'm less likely to look at it. I made all these silly rules for myself about when I could and couldn't look at Facebook: no Facebook first thing in the morning or before bed. In fact, I tried to keep Facebook out of the bed entirely. No Facebook until after I had accomplished one thing for the day...run an errand, make breakfast, put in a load of laundry, do the dishes...something, anything productive. Facebook only while pooping, because, honestly, there's truly nothing not much else to do whilst sitting on the pot. No Facebook (or phone in general) when in the company of others. Despite all my best efforts, I was still losing the battle of keeping Facebook from taking up too much of my time and attention.
Social Media used to be a nice little escape for me. A way to immerse myself into the goings-on of my friends, family, and acquaintances. I could sit for hours looking at pictures, reading random musings, and perusing blog posts. Entertaining though it was, it was definitely not very productive for me. I don't expect everything in my life to be productive, and like most people, I'm capable of wasting large amounts of time doing seemingly nothing. I would scroll scroll scroll through my Facebook feed for hours, and before I knew it, my to-do lists (yes, I have multiple to-do lists) were sitting there with not a thing crossed off of them. In order to avoid doing something mundane (but necessary), I would sit on Facebook and waste as much as time possible, meaning that the mundane chore was left for another day, assuming the mundane chore was done at all (ahem, cleaning the toilet...blech).
The other day I was at the vet waiting for some prescriptions for my elderly little dog, and in my boredom I got out my phone and swiped over to the Facebook app. My finger hovered over it for a second, and then I put it away and just sat there with my thoughts. I payed attention to what was going on around me. The rescue cats mewling in their cages, a dog yelping in the back, the tittering of the counter girls, the Christmas music softly coming from the speakers above me. I smiled in understanding at a woman struggling to control her dogs, well knowing the feeling of trying to corral multiple animals who have found themselves duped by a car ride into a visit to their most hated place in the world. I watched the Christmas lights on the windows change from rainbow colors to bright white...I didn't even know they had Christmas lights that could do that! I would have missed all of it had I allowed my finger to drop onto that little blue app. And yes, it sounds boring and mundane and inconsequential and not at all contributory to the greater aspects of life, but at that very moment, the vet office was my reality and I wanted to be a part of it.
I think the disconnect with my reality has been the biggest obstacle for me lately with social media. I'll sit in a room with actual human beings and will be more immersed in the lives of my virtual ones. It's almost as if those living, breathing people right in front of me aren't even there. And this isn't anything new...since the advent of the smartphone this has been happening more and more. It's more commonplace to see an entire group of people sitting in silence, their faces aglow from their phones, than it is to see them engaging in conversation. I love talking to people. I'll talk to just about anyone, but I'm aware of the fact that I talk less when I have a phone at my disposal. I can look at pictures taken in Iceland, Dubai, and South Africa, and think about how cool it would be to go to the those places, when sitting right in front of me is a person with his or her own story about places they've been and things they've seen and done. But I don't ask because it's easier to just look on my phone. It's funny how social media is making us less social with actual human beings. Social Medial is making us socially awkward. For instance, the phrase, "it's not official until it's Facebook official!" As if Facebook has any real say in the legitimacy of anything that's posted on its platform. The only reason it has any legitimacy whatsoever is because we've allowed it, encouraged it, practically demanded it. I remember when Simon and I were first dating, a conversation was had about when we should change our Facebook statuses from "single" to "in a relationship." And what did it matter? That little Facebook label didn't change anything in our relationship. Yet we still placed some sort of value on it.
I also had noticed a shift in the feel of Facebook about a year ago, mostly when the election really started getting going and people were faced with the two candidates that were picked to fight for the title of President of the United States of America. Funny...the term "united" seemed to have lost virtually all meaning this election season. My liberal friends were on fire against Trump, my conservative friends were lauding his existence and his boorish behavior. I engaged in a few discussions regarding the election, mostly just for my own entertainment, as my take on the political process could be described as jaded, at best. I voted. My candidate didn't win. I moved on. Every election has a winner and a loser and for some reason people really seemed to forget that this year. Those on the losing side were appalled, shocked, crying for weeks after the election about the injustice of it all. Am I just rolling over and accepting the fact that our president-elect acts like an entitled, spoiled, immature teenager (according to the media, anyway)? No. Am I nervous about the cabinet of people with whom he's choosing to surround himself? Yes. Am I worried about what America will look like after 4 years of Trump? Definitely. After all that, I'm not filling up my Facebook page with expletives and half-researched or completely false articles about him either. Did I do everything I could to vote locally for candidates who I feel support my interests and who likely will have a bigger impact on my day-to-day life than Trump ever will? Absolutely. I did the best I could with what I had to work with, and at the end of the day, that's really all I can say about it. That's all I want to say about it, as engaging in conversation about it frequently has us spiraling down the rabbit hole of despair and negativity.
Every time a celebrity died this year, people were rending their hair and bemoaning the year 2016, about how terrible it is that this year has resulted in so many celebrity deaths. It seemed like everyday I was reading a post that started out: "So-and-so just died. WTF? Fuck 2016." I'm sorry, were these people supposed to live forever? I mean, some of these people who died made it into their 90's...is it really that much of an injustice that an elderly person who had lived a full life had taken his or her last breath? How about we change our attitudes and celebrate the fact that they lived incredibly inspiring lives. So inspiring, in fact, that their loss has spurned people to run to social media and blame death, which is completely natural, on an arbitrary year in our somewhat arbitrary existence. Embrace the fact that we loved what these people contributed so much that their loss feels incredibly palpable. There's been so many celebrity deaths this year that I haven't bothered to count. Here's some food for thought...do most people on Facebook know even one name of a Syrian refugee who drowned in the Mediterranean while trying to escape mass extermination? What about any names of the people of South Sudan, a country that has been so war ravaged for years that they probably don't know what a peaceful existence looks like? Can anyone name how many people died of malaria in Africa this year due to a lack of mosquito nets and adequate health care? Who will mourn for them? Who will post "Fuck 2016" on their behalf? Their deaths go unnoticed, unchecked, undocumented, and in some cases, celebrated by those who live in comfort and think that people bring bad circumstances upon themselves, and that if they only tried a little harder, they might turn their ship around and make a better life for themselves. Lofty ideas, those, coming from people lucky enough to have been born in America and have wanted for nothing their entire lives. These victims of our global wars would probably give everything they own and then some to be able to sit in the comfort of their own homes and complain about how Prince died and thus made 2016 the worst year ever.
I think 2016 was a record year for me for unfriendings and unfollowings on Facebook. The negativity was overwhelming, and I just don't want to see it anymore. I'm over the snarky memes, the sarcasm, and the vague references to external and internal struggles. Spit it out or keep it to yourself...if you don't like your current situation, complaining about it on Facebook isn't a productive way to remedy your life. I don't go on Facebook for doom and gloom...I go on it for Tasty videos and trip photos and pictures of the wee ones back home who I only get to see once or twice a year.
I'm not pointing fingers...I've been guilty of negative posting too. I reposted a few articles that were probably poorly researched or in poor taste. I was emotionally escalated by things people were posting and there were times that I responded, not always kindly. I could lost for hours in the comment feed of an article, shaking my head at the sheer ignorance, hatred, and anger of my fellow human beings. I'm trying to change all that.
Just the other day, I deleted the Facebook app off of my phone. I kept coming up with excuses to avoid it, but I finally did it. Thoughts of paranoia ran through my head: how will I keep in touch with people? how will I know what's going on around Flagstaff? what will I use to entertain myself during an extended sitting session on the toilet? And then I remembered all those people I know who don't have Facebook, and how they somehow seem to make it just fine without it. I actually have the luxury of remembering a time when there was no such thing as Facebook, and somehow I was able to have a normal life then. So I deleted it. I still have a Facebook account on record, I just need to access it now from my laptop, which means that I typically will have some other purpose in mind besides Facebook when I sit down to use it. It's ironic really, that in the past couple weeks, I've received more compliments on my Facebook postings than ever before. Compliments in person, not on Facebook itself. So it gave me pause as my finger hovered over that little wiggling X above the Facebook app before I sealed its fate. I want to you all to know...it's me, not you.
I want to be engaged in the life around me. That doesn't mean that those of you who are far and away have lost any sort of importance in my day-to-day life...I still want to see what you're doing, where you're going, what you're eating, what your kids are up to. I just can't allow myself to do it as much as I was before. I'll still be around...my Instagram account (@fetsywetsy) automatically posts to Facebook, and truth be told, when I look back at my Facebook feed, that's the majority of my posts. So really, not a whole lot from my end is going to change.
I'm hopeful that this little change will help me work toward whatever it is I feel I could be accomplishing. This is my first blog since June, so I'm off to a good start. I've got a few more ideas for blogs, so hopefully I'll get those posted in the next few days. Simon and I are off on an adventure in January, and while I probably won't have my laptop along for blogging (but maybe I will), I'll be posting on Instagram from time to time. But mostly, I think I'll just be enjoying my time in the moment, with my phone tucked away, the sunshine in my face and the sea breeze ruffling my hair.
Life is short. Be present for it.
