Daffodils and other nonsense

So daffodil debacle...there's this place outside of Little Rock called Wye Mountain...I'm not sure why it's called that because it's definitely not a mountain...I don't even know if it qualifies as a hill. There's probably some sort of significance behind it, but I haven't taken the time (and probably won't) to look it up. Anyway, our little Arkansas book talked about how in the spring, there are thousands of daffodils blooming there. So two weeks ago, Simon and I planned to go check it out. It was a bad day from the start...it was cold and there were random patches of rain, I was tired and irritable, and I read the directions wrong on how to get there...driving us at least 30 miles out of our way, because once you start going the wrong way on the interstate, there's no turning around until you get to an overpass with an exit attached to it. So I'm cursing (probably saying shit a lot), and Simon is sitting supportively in the passenger seat, probably wondering how I could have been idiot enough to read the directions wrong. So by the time we get turned around I'm so irritable that I don't even want to see the damn daffodils. So we went home for a few hours to see if it would quit raining. It kind of did...so we got back in the car and headed out to Wye Mountain once again...this time in the right direction. We were about 2/3 of the way there when it started raining again (shit). But it wasn't raining too bad, so we pressed on. We got to Wye Mountain, and there really were thousands of daffodils...it was so pretty! It got out my camera to take a picture of Simon and some of the flowers, and my camera wouldn't turn on. Dammit all to H-E-double hockey sticks, I never put the battery back in it after I had charged it. So there we were, in the middle of a field of daffodils in the drizzling rain with no film. So we got in the car and went home. Fast forward two weeks to this morning...we got up early (after I hit the snooze 4 times) to make another attempt to see the daffodils with our friends Suzie and Matt. It's cloudy, but thankfully not raining. We get out there...AND...most of the daffodils are dead. So we took a couple pictures with the dying blooms and drove back home. Apparently a good experience with Wye Mountain just wasn't in the cards. And then I proceeded to make 18 cups of rice.


I hate the post office. You want to know why? Of course you do. Actually, I shouldn't say that I hate all post offices, just the one that's within walking distance of my apartment. First of all, they don't have one of those automated postage thingys that weigh your package, calculate the postage, print you a stamp, and provide you with a place to deposit the package. So quick and easy! You're instead forced to wait in line for the one teller that's working...all the while the second teller stands there in the background drinking her giant pop from Taco Bell...hop on a register why don't you? Otherwise hide out of sight from the long line of disgruntled post-office patrons who think you're lazy. If you're taking a break, please don't do it where we can see you...waiting in line is all the much more irritating whilst watching someone that could help you just stand around and gossip to the person that IS working...thereby slowing them down. The only envelopes this post office has to choose from when mailing a package are the military envelopes (which would be helpful if either my mom or Dana were in the military, but they're not) or flat rate envelopes, which I have issue with. I'd rather not over-pay on postage to send my mom a souvenier tshirt from Oklahoma. Maybe I'm just cheap, but I don't see the sense in over-paying for something, particularily when I have to wait in line for a half hour in order to do it. So I left. This is the second time I've walked out of this particular post office without mailing anything.

On the walk home from the post office, Simon and I were discussing all the ways that we use the word 'shit.' And surprisingly enough, I never use that word to describe poop. Shit is an expletive, not an excrement. Although, in some cases when describing a particular bathroom blow-out (someone else's, NOT my own), I will use the word shit for dramatic emphasis. Saying, "there was SHIT all over the wall" sounds so much more dramatic than "there was POOP all over the wall." But poop and/or shit on the wall rarely comes up in conversation...well...I shouldn't say rarely, because I talk about poop all the time, but not always in relation to it being on the wall. It turns up in all sorts of other places though. For instance, the other day I stepped in Cooper's poop. It was a somewhat poorly lit morning, I was tired, and really wasn't paying all that much attention to where I was walking. And the stupid thing is, I was watching him poop, and thinking all the while to myself, "I need to make sure not to step in that when I walk back this way." And what did I do? I stepped in it...with flip flops on, which made it all the more disgusting because that meant the actual poop was REALLY close to my bare foot. Sometimes I'll use the word crap, but that's usually at the end of a 12-hour shift when someone loses their bowels in their bed at 6:55, which is 5 minutes before I'm supposed to leave...example: don't you love it when someone craps their bed 5 minutes before shift change? The average bed change in the case of a code brown takes at a minimum 10 minutes, so you can see the issue. Not that I have issue with the actual cleaning up of the poop (crap), it's just the timing that's so poor. I'd have to say though, if I crapped my bed at 6:55, I would appreciate someone being in there at 6:56 to wipe my dirty bum, whether that makes them late to getting home or not. So yeah...I really got off on a tangent there. What I was getting at, is that I don't use the word shit to describe poop. I guess that's all I was trying to say. Shit is quite versatile though...it can be just about anything.

I've got 5 shifts left here in Little Rock, and I have to say, I'm going to miss it here a little bit. Little Rock itself is nothing I would write home to mom about (even though I do), and I wouldn't recommend it for a vacation, but the surrounding areas are so pretty and Arkansas itself has a lot to offer, especially if you're the outdoorsy type that likes throwing the tent in the trunk and the canoe on the roof and driving to any number of state parks and rivers to play around in. It's pretty here too...all the trees are flowering right now, the daffodils were up (story regarding daffodils to follow), and all the other little flowers around are starting to bloom. The trees are starting to get leafy, but the grass is still brown, despite warm weather and a decent amount of rain. I'm told that the grass is a certain variety that stays dormant until the temperature is consistently around 70 or 80. Being from Minnesota, I found it so weird that it could be so warm and the grass was still brown. Now it all makes sense. This trip has also been one of the better ones for my social psyche. On the first day of orientation Simon and I had the pleasure of meeting a few like-minded individuals that we hang out with at least once a week, if not more. Last night we had a "cleaning out the cupboard" dinner. We've resolved to buy nothing but produce from here on out and to make due with what's in the cupboard. Last night we had spaghetti with wheat noodles, green beans, several different varieties of beer, and snickerdoodle cookies. It was good! I'm guessing that the fare will start to decrease in structure and palatability as we get to the end of the week and into next week and start to run out of options, but that's what the Chinese place down the road is for. :) We still have a few places that we need to eat before we leave...The Whole Hog-for BBQ, the Flying Fish-for catfish, and Kobe-for sushi. Today I made 18 cups of rice...hahaha! That ought to sustain us for the week and through the weekend. I love rice.

Ice cream and other ramblings...

I have fallen in love with Coldstone ice cream. Prior to moving to Arkansas, I had had Coldstone maybe once or twice...I found the ice cream to be a little full of stuff and a little too expensive for ice cream. I was always happiest with plain old cookies and cream ice cream. Then we get down here and my friend Suzie's husband LOVES ice cream. Coldstone is like heaven for him. So we were out one day and he kept talking about Coldstone, so we went. I got this awesome ice cream called Mint Mint Chocolate Chocolate Chip...it's fantastic! Mint ice cream with fudge, brownies, and chocolate chips in it. Not sure why there are two Mints in the title, when there is only one mint in the ice cream, but I'll let it pass this one time. In any case, it's fantastic, and I find myself wanting it everyday. Last night Simon and I went to get some (after already buying ice cream at Target...that's so we have ice cream to eat when Coldstone isn't open), we stopped at Coldstone. As per usual when going there in the evening, about 5 high schoolers sprinted in the door ahead of us, adding to the line of 5 that was already in there. I wanted to wait it out...so we did...until the high schoolers decided they wanted to try samples of every single flavor. Are you kidding me? They should have a line for people that already know what they want so they don't have sit in line behind idiots that just want to eat free ice cream. That's my thoughts on it. Maybe I should suggest that on their website. Or here's a thought, if they don't know what they want and need to browse the menu, maybe they shouldn't be in line. Apparently I get a little cantankerous when something comes between me and my ice cream. So...we ended up going home and eating the ice cream that we bought at Target. It wasn't Coldstone, but it still hit the spot.

I have also found love at the little Chinese place down the street. It's within walking distance, which I think seems dangerous...although we have yet to walk there. Hmmm. Simon has their phone number programmed into his phone so we can call for take-out no matter where we are. Their lo mein is the best I've ever had. It's made with the flat pad thai noodles instead of the usual spaghetti-type asian noodles...not sure if this is the difference or not, but it definitely helps. It's just so tasty!! The only gripe I have is there aren't enough vegetables in it, so we have to pay extra for them to add veggies, but it's well worth the expense. We ate lo mein on Monday and Tuesday evening for dinner. Last night we took a break and made chicken cesaer salad (I cooked for the first time in what feels like ages), but I still wanted the lo mein anyway.

I'm having one of those days where I want to take all my dogs to the pound. Actually, it started last night when they all decided they didn't want to poop and pee on the same outing outside. I don't usually enjoy spending time outside with them in the dark (especially when it's cold and windy), so I appreciate it when they get out, do their business, and we can go back in. Last night, they were being very uncooperative. After much swearing and near shrieking at Brie (which, by the way, doesn't help...I know this but do it anyway), I finally took her off the leash (which we're not supposed to do at the complex...I miss my fenced yard and apparently, so does she) at which point she promptly pooped. She also has this thing about being overly selective about where she wants to poop...as if one section of grass is better for pooping than another. However, after we got back inside, I noticed she still had poop on her bum, so I had to go about the disgusting task of wiping her butt. Yes, I wiped my dog's butt. I had to do it again this morning too, which I was none too pleased about. It's so nasty! And lately, Brie has had this obsessive thing about licking her paws, and the sound of it drives me up the wall...it's like someone grunting and snorting whilst stirring a giant pot macaroni and cheese right next to my ear...that's about the closest approximation I can come to when it comes to the sound. It's nasty. I'm about a half hour away from getting her one of those cones to wear around her head so she can't lick them anymore (PetSmart doesn't open until 9). Cooper woke me up about every hour last night, probably because he had to poop because he didn't to it on one of the three outtings last night, and I refused to take him out. That's what he gets for not going when he was out...unfortunately I appeared to be the one that suffered the most from that little lesson. And then Lady...when it's just me taking them out, she doesn't like to walk on the same side of me as the pugs, so she relentlessly wraps the leash around my legs trying to get way from them. It's nothing short of annoying, and she always does it at inopportune times...we're walking up or down a hill, we're walking up or down a curb, we're walking up or down the stairs...I think she may be trying to kill me. Ugh...it's days like this I really wonder the logistics of having three dogs...or any dogs at all.

The Little Rock drivers continue to infurriate me. The lack of blinker usage is a daily irritation that brings to the brink of road rage almost instantly, particularily when I'm anxiously trying to make a left turn, and some douche bag is driving somewhat slowly in the right lane--not slow enough for me to turn in front of him, but slow enough for me to question if he might be making a right turn--and then puts his damn blinker on as he rounds the corner. WTF?? What's the point of using the blinker once you're already going around the corner? That doesn't help anyone...that's like protecting yourself in the event of an accident..."but officer, I had my blinker on." I feel like making a giant sign saying, 'is your blinker broken?' to hold up whenever I see someone not using their blinker, but then I thought about it and realized that I would be better off just writing it on the side of my Jeep since I would be holding the sign up at a constant, leaving me to drive with only one hand and compromise my own usage of the blinker. It's a daily struggle.

I still have yet to get the scooter out. The 10 feet I rode it prior to the Phoenix trip is the longest distance I've ridden it. I don't even want to ride it around the parking lot as the idiots driving in the streets somehow also find their way into our parking lot. Whenever I think of driving my scooter I have images in my head of me getting mowed down by some idiot motorist. Not exactly a vote of confidence. I used to think that Iowans were the worst drivers (sorry Suzie and Matt) but I have since realized the error of my thoughts and now know without a doubt that Little Rock drivers are the worst...to date.

The other night I was in and out of a coma on the couch, and was frighteningly awaked to the worst thunderstorm I have ever experienced. The thunder was rolling, the building was shaking, and having just been suddenly awakened, I thought there was tornado out in the parking lot and that the building was collapsing. I really did. It was so loud! I've never in my life heard thunder that loud. Had the sirens been going off warning us of a tornado, we wouldn't have been able to hear it. The funniest part of the whole thing was that after the giant boom, Simon came tearing out of the bedroom in his underpants. He didn't think it was a tornado, but he figured that I probably would so he came out to check on me.

I still continue to check the MLS listings on the houses in Minneapolis. I don't know why I do that, I guess I just really miss owning a house and I also really enjoy house hunting. Maybe if this whole nursing thing doesn't work out I can become a realtor. Although, the market already seems to be saturated with realtors these days, so I wonder how much business I'd really get. Hopefully someday soon I'll own a house again...preferably with a fenced yard so I can avoid all the crap with my dogs not wanting to take a crap...they can just stay outside until they go, even if it's in the rain and it takes them a half hour.

I'd like it to be known at this point that Brie has been licking her feet this whole time (it's been a half hour)...and I've also been yelling at her this whole time. It's a battle of wills at this point.

Simon and I have been making good use of our Arkansas travel book (thanks Franko!) and have been getting out and doing some sight-seeing. We went to the Old State House yesterday which is the oldest capitol still standing west of the Mississippi...or maybe it's east of the Mississippi...I don't remember...it's one of those. :) The travel book talked about how there was this John Barelycorn exhibit that talked all about Prohibition and how to make moonshine, but when we got there we realized that the exhibit was closed. :( The rest of the State House was interesting, but we were disappointed that we didn't get to learn about the moonshine and whatnot. We also went to a cotton plantation with Suzie and Matt last week, and it was very interesting. We thought that we were going to learn about cotton plantations...how they worked, tools they used, farm labor, etc...but it was more of a tour of all the furnishings and things that were inside the plantation house. Our tour guide was this flamboyantly gay little man who still lives in the house...it's safe to say that most of the things inside the house are at least 100 years older than he is. He was polically incorrect (he's definitely from the Deep South and is proud of it), and since we were thrown in with a group of high schoolers, he had us stay up near the front of the group by him so he could whisper things to us that weren't appropriate for the ears of the young ones. It was a great time. He invited us to come back out to have dinner with him sometime...I can just about imagine how lavish that little set-up will be. He has his own chef on the premises (who also doubles as his clock, his calendar, his secretary), and a few other people that work for him as well. I'm looking forward to it. We're going to go to the zoo today, and maybe a bike ride with our friends Liz and Mark. One of the things I've definitely enjoyed the most about this Little Rock assignment is the people that I've met. I always meet people during orientation, we exchange numbers and say we'll call each other, but then we never do. This assignment has been so different...there's a core group of us that try to make a point to get together at least once a week, and it's been so much fun. I miss having a group of friends to hang out with on a consistent basis, and sometimes the lonliness of being a traveler makes me really homesick, but this assignment has been so much better in the friend department. I've only been homesick once...but I do think some of that might be in part to PMS...hahaha! Things are always more depressing that little bastard is on the horizon.

One thing I've also found interesting here in Arkansas is a lot people frequently reference "The War" and who really won. It took me a beat to figure out that they were talking about the Civil War, and not the war going on overseas. I've been called a Yankee a time or two (in jest, of course) and once a person finds out I'm from the north, they usually tell me that the South really won the war. They seem appalled when I tell them that we really don't talk about the Civil War in the north...outside of history class and whatnot. Prior to yesterday (at the State House) I couldn't even remember what years the Civil War took place. In talking with some of the black people that I work with, segregation is still very real down here, and I feel it in some of the attitudes of the people that I work with. Not that people are ever rude to me unnecessarily, but I can definitely feel some very big chips on shoulders, more so than I ever felt when I was in Minneapolis. Some of them actually seem a little suspiscious or taken aback when I take an interest in them or their culture. It's too bad. I guess in the north we're given a false sense of the progress that we've made since the 60's. Although, I do think some of it is perspective, so I try to keep that in mind.

So...that's the scoop from my end at the moment. Simon and I are hoping to head to the East Coast after this assignment is done. We don't have anything booked yet, but our wonderful recruiter is working hard for us once again, trying to find a good fit. We'd love to go to Boston, but pretty much anywhere in New England or thereabouts would be fine with us. I keep finding that I have more and more friends out East, so it would be nice to have the chance to visit them. I've been finding that with travel nursing, I travel to lots of different places in the country, but I don't ever really go anywhere to visit people. Weird, eh? I travel for a living but I don't take vacations. During the time off between assignments, Simon and I try to hunker down and visit friends and family in Minnesota while trying not to spend too much money. We seem to forget that we need to take vacations every now and again to preserve our sanity. We'll have to try to be better about that. I'd like to get to Ireland and somewhere in the Carribean in the next year or so (I'll have to find my passport first...I seem to have missplaced it). Other than that...if Brie doesn't quit licking her feet I'm going to throw her out the window...this is what my day is shaping up to look like. Bummer.

Razorback Nation

What is it with all the Apple snobbery lately? ‘My ipod is better than your Zune,’ ‘My iphone is better than your Blackberry,’ etc? What are we, in third grade again? Who gives a rip? Personally, I think anything Apple is just over-priced trendy technology, and isn’t any better than anything else. I couldn’t rationalize the cost of an Apple if I tried. Granted, I know that for certain professionals, Apples probably do outperform PCs…I get that. What I don’t get is the layperson shelling out $1700+ for an imac or an ibook when all they do with it is email. I have an ipod nano that I got on super clearance because they were liquidating their old nanos in preparation for their new, smaller nanos. Not that I wanted one, but I felt peer pressured to get one. I remember getting comments like, ‘You don’t have an ipod??’ accompanied by an incredulous look of surprise. So I got the ipod…and I still don’t know how to work it. I’ve tried. You know what I think would help? A clearly marked on/off button. I can never figure out how to turn it on, so I just keep holding down buttons until the screen lights up…I know that there are only 5 buttons to choose from, but I still don’t know which one turns it on. Then, once it’s on, I again can’t figure out how to turn it off. The button holding commences once again, usually without success…so then in frustration I just leave the damn thing on and the battery eventually dies. My ipod is always dead. There’s always quite a lapse in time between usings of my ipod, because usually when I want to use it, it’s dead and I don’t want to take the time to charge it. If I had figured out with the previous use both how to turn it off and/or on, that knowledge has since been forgotten and I start the button pressing all over again, frustrated that I own a device that I don’t know how to operate. I know all you ipod users are scoffing and laughing at me…but seriously! Is there anything wrong with an on/off button?? I have issues with things that aren’t clearly marked…like watches…if there isn’t a tick mark for every hour on a watch face, I don’t know what time it is. I must have perceptual problems…or I just an idiot…maybe a little of both.

Since starting this new assignment in Arkansas, I’ve been on a weekend rotation, meaning that I only work Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. I know, it sounds horrid when you first hear about it, but when you stop to think about it, it’s perfect. First off, I always work three shifts, and then have four off. This is the only schedule where I could always have this consistent of a rotation. It’s awesome! I go in, do my time, and then I’m off for longer than I was on. Second, it gives me all kinds of time to go places that I need to go and do things that I need to do without fighting the weekend crowds. I love my days off during the week. And with four days off in a row, it opens up lots of opportunity for going places without having to adjust my schedule. I would love to stay on this schedule for always, but the only reason it works here is because I don’t have any friends down here that work a 9-5 M-F schedule. It wouldn’t really make a whole lot of sense to work just weekends when living near friends who were always doing fun things on the weekends. So I’ll enjoy it for now. The sacrifices I make for my buddies…if they only knew!

Along with the travel nursing front, I hear pretty much everyday from permanent staff nurses that “now is the time to travel, before you get married and have kids and whatnot.” And I think to myself that that makes sense, but from a social standpoint, I have to wonder if this really is the right time to be traveling. I’ve been doing this for three years now, and at the end of this year I’m thinking about throwing in the towel (however, I say that every year…I think I have commitment issues when it comes to the idea of having a permanent job). But here’s the thing…for the past three years, all my friends have either been married or single, most of them had only one child or none at all. Now that we’re getting further up there in the age spectrum, everyone is having kids. My point is, once people start having kids, that doesn’t give them a whole of free time to do things with friends…namely, me. I know, that sounds selfish, but it’s really not…it’s just me coming to terms with the logistics of the situation. I got a taste of it when I was out in Denver doing an assignment…my friends Denice and David lived out there and have an 18-month old little darling named Braydon. It didn’t even occur to me how much coordinating it took for them to get out on a random weeknight to go out for a drink or something to eat. Either they had to find a baby-sitter last minute (and baby-sitting age kids these days have a lot of stuff going on in the evenings during the week…I can’t remember me having that many activities), or we brought the little guy with us. He was usually pretty well behaved, but every now and then he would have a bad day. Most of the time we just ended up staying in and getting a pizza and watching a movie…or catching the latest TiVo episodes of Oprah…hahaha! To be honest, I really enjoyed those evenings in a lot…probably more than I would have enjoyed going out. So the point I was trying to make is, there will be no more calling people at 5pm to meet up for drinks at 7pm. Volleyball will have to be a coordinated event where either each family gets their own babysitter, or a parent takes turns sitting out each week to watch the little ones. And people always say before the baby arrives, “We’re still going to go out and we’re still going to do this and we’re going to get babysitters…nothing will change.” But it does change. And in a way, I’m almost envious of the change. My friends that have become moms are so different now, but different in a good way. They seem so at peace with themselves and the lives that they now lead. They’re so happy being moms…it’s really a very extraordinary thing to see. They don’t miss a lot of the things they used to do before they had the kid…life took on a new meaning. And they still make an honest attempt to make it to all the get togethers, they just need a little prior notice to get a sitter or drop the tike off with grandma and grandpa. So is this the right time to travel? Will things really change all that much for me once I’m living around my friends and they’re all having kids? I guess time will tell. One thing is for sure, I will not be babysitting. I love it that people want to have kids, but kids scare the crap out of me. I’m finally getting to the point where I’m comfortable holding babies, but it’s taken me a long time to get there. I’m working on the toddler thing, but there just aren’t a whole lot in my life right now to practice on. And really, any self-respecting parent probably shouldn’t lend out the services of their toddler for me to practice on…that sounded dirty…I really didn’t mean it to be…hahaha!

The other night, Simon and I were all settled in for sleep when we heard a commotion out in the living room. I, of course, thought someone was either trying to get into our apartment or already had. I instantly cursed myself for leaving my pink bat out in the Jeep…what good is it going to do me out there anyway? I have no idea. So anyway, I’m lying there in the bed, being as motionless as possible, just listening. And then the noise happened again! Simon woke up this time, sprung out of the bed to investigate. It was just Lady, knocking something off the coffee table. So after we got back to bed and I was lying there in my bed, I got to thinking about what would happen if someone really broke in and decided to off me. What would happen to all my things? Who would take care of all my unfinished business? I started mentally coming up with a list for divvying out my things, making sure the right stuff went to the right people. And when I got up the next morning, I seriously thought about typing up a sheet and saving to the desktop of my computer so that it would be easy to find should something happen to me. Is that weird? Is it part of my anal organizing personality to have all my ducks in a row should I die tomorrow? It doesn’t feel that weird to me. Over the Christmas break I made out this big long list of all my internet banking sites, my social sites, my email addresses, and random others. I included all the passwords and gave it to my mom, in the off chance that something would happen on the 5-hour drive either to or from Simon’s mom’s house…that’s a long way to drive in the December when you don’t know what the weather is going to do. I just wanted to make sure that my finances would be taken care of in the event that something happened to me, and I wanted to make sure my mom had a way to get in touch with everyone that she needed to if something happened. What if I die and some of my friends don’t find out? That would be horrible…I think. Well, I won’t know because I’ll be dead, but I think it would be horrible. I would feel horrible if one of my friends died, and I didn’t find out until months afterwards because their family members either didn’t know about me at all or didn’t know how to go about contacting me. And, in the event of a death, I doubt family members are concerned with contacting that person that I met that one day on spring break that I still keep in touch with after all these years, you know? Hmmm…all this because my dog had to go and knock something off the coffee table in the middle of the night.

I had to buy dress pants recently to do hospital orientation at my latest job. Yeah, I was pretty irritated about it. When am I going to wear dress pants again? I decided that Simon and I will have to go out somewhere nice one of these days so I can wear them again, just to legitimize the purchase. I had the luck of getting them on clearance though, which helped. Where I was going with this is, when I bought the pants, I had to buy a size XS. I am not an XS. And what made me think about it even more, is that I have friends smaller than me. They wouldn’t be able to even shop in that store because the sizes are so bloated, yet they have little size tags on them. I’m continually amazed and slightly irritated by the whole thing. What it boils down to, is that clothing manufacturers realize that we’re getting bigger but we don’t really want accept that we’re bigger, are making clothes bigger but are putting smaller tags on them, thereby making us feel good about ourselves because after all these years, I for some reason can fit in a size I haven’t worn since 6th grade, despite the fact that I’m probably a good 50 pounds heavier now than I was then…not to mention 6 or 7 inches taller. I bought this book recently called the ‘9-ince plate “diet,”’ and it’s all about how our portions are much too big…and not just our portions…everything. There was one line in there that I just had to stop and say, ‘whoa’ to…it went something along the lines of this: one-third of Americans cannot comfortably fit in the average airline seat, and about one in twelve can’t fit at all. We’re huge!! We as Americans just keep getting bigger and bigger, and yet the industries and corporations keep making allowances for it, convincing us through subtle devices that we’re really not. Bigger movie theater seats, bigger plates, bigger bagels, bigger coffees. I think the book summed it up perfectly when it said, “the large became the medium, the medium became the small, and the small became the child’s cup.” It was a fabulous read…I highly recommend it. Don’t expect to learn a whole that you don’t already know though…it’s a pretty common-sense book, I just need things spelled out for me, you know? Like turning the ipod on and off…..

Simon and I went to four different grocery stores down here before we were able to locate bags of frozen peas and green beans. However, there seemed to be a surplus of frozen broccoli, which I found kind of strange. Do people really eat that much broccoli down here? I got a Sam’s club membership with the intention of buying a monster bag of peas and green beans, and my choices were broccoli or corn. Hmmm. I have since found peas and green beans, only to realize after a trip to Target that I could have gotten them cheaper there. Dammit. We’re finding that we get the runaround down here quite a bit when it comes to grocery shopping, probably due in part to my fickle grocery needs. To break it down, we have decided that we will go to Walmart for produce and cereal (well, just one kind of cereal…honey-nut shredded wheat…yum!), Target (it’s not a Super Target, which is the mother of all grocery stores) for dry goods and frozen stuff, and Kroger for my fancy cheese and flax bread. Three grocery stores for one grocery trip. This is why having days off during the week comes in handy…I would not be going to three different grocery stores on a Saturday…that’s just asking for a bad day.

There’s a little Pomeranian here at the complex whose owner thinks it’s appropriate to leave it outside for extended periods of time, allowing the damn thing to bark the entire time. Even if there’s nothing for it to bark at, it still barks. Simon has actually talked to the woman twice about it, and her response? He should get some ear plugs. All I have to say is, that woman is lucky she was talking to him and not me when she said that, because the rest of the conversation probably would have gone differently. EAR PLUGS??? How about you go outside with your dog instead of tying it out so that it doesn’t bark the entire time? Or maybe, when you hear it start to bark, you bring it back in right away. I think it’s incredibly rude for people that live in apartment complexes to allow their dogs to sit outside and bark like that. We’d like to say something about to the office, but we don’t want it to be found out that we have three dogs living here when we’re only supposed to have two. Oh, and it’s suffice to say that in three months my three dogs combined probably won’t bark as much as her dog does in one day. Completely ridiculous. Simon and I thought about ex-laxing the dog so that it would crap all over her apartment, but that’s a case of misplaced blame…even though the dog sucks, it’s the owner that is definitely at fault. If only we could find a way to ex-lax the owner. Simon wants to get a tape recorder and record her dog barking, and then set it up outside her apartment at 3am. Not a bad idea. Oh, and another thing she told Simon (this is priceless…and crazy), she told him that if he wanted to buy her a muzzle for her dog, she would use it. People might say I’m a crazy dog lady because I have three dogs, but I think I pale in comparison to this woman. Maybe we need a new term…how about “batshit crazy dog lady?” That has a nice ring to it.

In other dog related stuff…when my dogs are out of water, Brie jumps into the bathtub and makes all kinds of noise in there. She’s made the association that water can be found in the bathtub, and therefore we should make the association that if she’s in the tub, we need to fill her water dish. Making a commotion near her water dish would probably have the same effect and require considerably less effort on her part, but you can’t tell her that.

Last but not least, I learned the most amazing thing over the weekend! Here in Little Rock, they have a lot of nurses here from the Philippines. I was working with three Pilipino nurses the other night, and they were talking in their native language. I could tell they weren’t speaking English, so I just kind of zoned them out for a while. After a beat, I think they felt that bad that I was sitting there so silent, and they started to explain their language to me. There are a lot of different dialects in their language, but these three girls all spoke a dialect from the southern part of the country…and it’s Latin based! To be more specific, it’s a version of Spanish. Totally unexpected. They count in Spanish, a lot of their words are Spanish…after a while when they were talking to each other, I could pick out words that I knew or had heard before in Spanish. It was so crazy and I was so taken aback by it. I guess I had just assumed that their language would be closer to Japanese or Chinese or something of that sort. The things we learn. I’ve been telling everyone about it, just because I find it so fascinating and unexpected. So now you can tell people you know about it.

Arkansas, part 2

1. Arkansas is much nicer that I would have thought. There are lots of trees, rivers, and lakes, and I hear the hiking is awesome. Can't wait to get out and do some of that. Little Rock itself has been nice as well...once we have a day off we're going to go downtown and explore.

2. I have this thing called a shopping habit, but I have myself convinced that if I have little to no credit card debt, that it's okay.

3. I think Jason Statham needs to try a role that falls outside of the badass/transporter persona. I think all of his movies probably could have been called the Transporter. Same with Kate Hudson...can she even play a role that doesn't involve her being the girl next door that every guy in the film wants to sleep with? Don't they get bored playing the same character over and over again? To be fair, I haven't a see film with either of them in it in years...the previews usually give enough away to discourage me from wasting money on a film I've most likey already seen.

4. Metallica should wrap it up and call it day. I heard a track off their new album recently and it took me back to 1997.

5. I'm currently reading the book "I'll Fly Away," a book written by prison inmates in a women's correctional facility. It is editted by Wally Lamb, who is one of my favorite authors. It's sad to hear about how 80% of these women were raped as children, or how they killed their abusive spouses in self-defense and are now serving life sentences for it.

6. I still hate to exercise. I do like to walk the dogs though, and I count that as exercise. I also live on the second floor of the apartment building, which is almost like the third because I have to go up two flights of stairs from the parking lot to get to my front door. There are also a lot of hills around here, so that's a bonus, I think.

7. I love my Jeep. Never have I paid so much money for a car, but it's worth it because I love it. Don't ever lease a car...unless you love it and don't mind paying $5,000+ extra for it in fees.

8. Billy Blanks is insane, but I do love Tae Bo...when I'm actually motivated and able to keep up.

9. I'm still disturbed by the fact that one of my dogs ate the other's poop the other day. I still wonder who did it. Brie has pretty much been ill since we got here, so I'm thinking it was her, but I don't have any proof.

10. Augusten Burroughs is brilliant. Someday I want to grow up and be just like him...without the whole gay man part...I've finally accepted that I'm a woman (and that I will never be able to pee my name in the snow) and should probably stick with that.

11. I love Nathan Lane's character in The Birdcage...one of my favorite movies, yet I still have yet to own it. I should probably get on that. I ask for it for Christmas every year, you'd think someone would get it for me one of these days!

12. I am going to go to Boston this year...twice.

13. Had I known there was going to be so many rivers and lakes in Arkansas, I would have brought the kayaks down here with us. Unfortunately, Arkansas has no travel guides that I've been able to find, which made planning for the trip difficult.

14. I had just about given up on the idea of thong underwear, and then I went out and bought some dress pants. I hate the idea of a visible panty line more than the idea of a little piece of material riding up my butt, so I purchased a couple at Target last night.

15. I wish I had the energy to sit down and journal, but I love emailing so much more that I do that instead. I'm thinking that I'm going to save all my emails, print them out and stick them in a binder instead. That way it's like a journal with outside commentary.

16. Simon and I are getting a washer and dryer and a new mattress for the bed today. I'm anticipating both with more excitement than is necessary. Four nights of bad sleep on a crappy mattress will do that to a person, especially while sleeping on pillowcase-less pillows because the pillowcases smell like gas from the scooter-leaking incident.

17. I was quite upset to learn that the best buffalo wings in Little Rock are to be found at Pizza Hut. :( Apparently they aren't big on the buffalo down here. They are big on barbeque though, which may or may not be an adequate substitute for the time being.

18. Sometimes I miss living and working in Rochester, and then I go there for an extended period of time and remember why I left in the first place. I don't think anyone in that town can speak a whole paragraph without mentioning Mayo. I think I was like that when I lived there too. Funny how getting out of there has made me see there's a great big world outside the hallways of Mayo, and that people can get really good care in hospitals all over the country without having to go to Rochester for a second opinion.

19. I'm working on getting into the habit of flossing my teeth everyday. So far I'm doing okay...I flossed everyday the first week after going to the dentist, and I've flossed everyday for the past two days, so I guess I'm doing all right.

20. Little Rock is not a smoke-free town, which sucks.

21. I am completely enthralled by black people. I want to know everything about their hair, their skin, their culture. Unfortunately I'm not sure how to go about that without sounding completely ignorant. I'm just curious, I guess.

22. Sometimes I struggle between wanting a small-town life in a little town and a big city life in Minneapolis. I wonder about the ablitiy to combine the two.

23. I miss owning a house. A friend of mine told me yesterday that she refinanced her house at an interest rate of 4.8%, dropped her mortgage term to 15 years, and is now paying $50 less a month. WHY am I not in the right place to buy a house right now?? Had I been smarter, I would have bought a house in May and rented it out to my friends Dana and Chester. I'm always a day late and a dollar short.

24. I hate the drivers here in Little Rock. If I make it out of this assignment without getting in a car accident, I'll be impressed. Anyone that knows me knows that I drive fast...I'm a grandma compared to these people. It's funny because with the whole southern drawl and the stereotypically slower pace of life down here, you'd think they'd drive slow, but that is definitely not the case. I've already been warned to stay as far from the roads as possible when they get their ice storms in February. I'm frightened.

25. If there was one food in life I couldn't live without, it would be peanut butter. I love peanut butter.

So here I am in Arkansas...

So here I am in Arkansas, I've officially been here a full 24 hours now and have a few observations and things to say about the whole thing.  

First: WORST...DRIVE...EVER.  Thanks to my parents, I've basically been going on road trips since I exited the womb, so they're nothing new to me and are usually quite enjoyable.  This one was not one of those enjoyable trips.  To start out the trip, the weather people completely screwed me at the last minute, and the clear, chilly morning they had originally predicted quickly backfired into 3 inches of snow and blowing wind.  Oh, and to add to that, freezing rain at the Iowa border.  Perfect.  It took over four hours for us to get to Des Moines, and I can usually make it in three.  There were periods of time where I was going 30 miles an hour on the interstate.  Getting passed by a semi put me into such a blizzard that I thought for sure my life was over.  Somehow, we made it through there intact.  

Second: a road trip is no place for a moderately stressed-out girl to get her monthly visitor.  Enough said.  

Third: A scooter leaking gas in a covered trailer very quickly makes everything in the trailer with it smell like gas.  Yes...all my belongings smelled like gas.  After half a bottle of Febreeze and some lengthy time hanging outside over the deck railing, most everything is back to a tolerable scent.  There are a few things though that are going on a much needed trip to the laundromat.  Hefty doses of Clorox 2 are in order...that stuff is the best invention ever...really gets the stink out.  The scooter appears to be fine, by the way, not sure what the leaking was all about but it appears to have stopped.  

Fourth: Arkansas is very pretty.  Granted, we came in at night and didn't get to see a whole lot, but the town of Little Rock is surrounded by those woodsy river valley bluffs that I spent so much time living amongst in college in Winona.  The Arkansas River goes through Little Rock, and it's actually quite a large river.  After growing up so close to the Mississippi, most rivers seem small to me, but I'd have to say the Arkansas gives the ol' Mississip a run for it's money, at least in this area...I don't think it's that big for as long as the Mississippi is.  We're kinda wishing we would have brought the kayaks.  Our apartment is on the far west side of Little Rock...we still have a Little Rock address, but we've found that our location isn't even included on some of the city maps.  We're in the "urban spawl" area, if you will.  Our aparment sits at the top of a hill, and we're completely surrounded by pine trees.  There's a big open-air mall about half a mile away, but you'd never know it living where we do...it feels like we're living in the middle of the woods.  I was a bit disappointed at first when I found out how far we'd actually be living from downtown Little Rock, but I could get used to this rustic feel.  I think I was originally expecting the worst of suburbia...tiny trees, a Starbucks on every corner, everyone driving a Hybrid or a minivan (no offense, I like both of those vehicles), and golden retriever for every 1.25 people.  If I didn't know better I'd think I was either in Flagstaff, AZ or somewhere in northern Minnesota with a lake just around the corner...that's what it feels like anyway.  Drive a half mile down the road and you've got a movie theater with IMAX, a coffee shop, laundromat, Petco...all the essencials and then some.  

Fifth: The drivers down here are idiots.  I almost t-boned someone already, and it was totally and completely not my fault.  Then, Simon and I almost got run down in a Target parking lot...by someone that appeared to have no intention of stopping.  Still don't know if they saw us or not...it wasn't that dark out.  To lay it out a bit, a lot of the main roads around us are three lanes going in each direction, and there are stores on both sides of the roads with drives entering on to the main roads...and these are high traffic roads with 45 mile-an-hour speed limits where everyone is going 55, and people making left-hand turns are basically taking their lives in their hands.  Also, the right-hand lane is always coming and going, forcing whomever is in it to turn right into a parking lot with no warning ahead of time, forcing people to swerve around or turn right where they may not have wanted to...that's pretty much how I got into the Target parking lot in the first place.  It doesn't feel very safe and it's making me quite nervous to get the Scoot out.  I might just have to drive it around the parking lot a few times just to make it worth the hassle we went through to get it here.

Sixth: I realized tonight that this is the first travel assignment I've taken where I'm completely on my own.  In all the locations there was always someone there to help me find my way, to find the bars with the good wings, the malls with the best stores, the restaurants with the best burgers...someone to basically help me navigate the city without getting too lost and without ending up in the wrong part of town.  Simon and I are completely on our own this time, and we have to figure all that stuff out for ourselves.  It's exciting and daunting at the same time.  We're going to visit the Department of Tourism tomorrow and pick up some pamphlets and whatnot and find some things to do.  There's also a Little Rock forum I might join to get some insider information...I have to know where to get good buffalo wings...that is definitely a priority...all other things can wait.  

Seventh: this wouldn't be a note from me without some sort of poop talk.  So we got here last night, Simon and I are about ready to kill each other after the stressful trip.  Mostly we just had a lack of anyone else to scream at...not that either of us blamed the other for any of our trip mishaps.  So Simon was outside messing around with the trailer, and I was inside trying to figure out where we needed to return the trailer.  Cooper pooped on the floor...I didn't see him do it, but I know it was him...he always poops in a scatter, never in a neat little pile like the other two, and this was definitely a scatter.  So, with a lack of anything to pick the poop up with at that point, I put my head in my hands, ground my teeth and just sat there for a minute.  When I picked my head up, the poop was gone.  I hadn't imagined it because I could still smell the turds in the air.  Apparently one of my dogs ate it.  I don't know who, and I didn't go to any great lenths to find out (this sounds terrible, but a part of me was glad that I no longer had to deal with it).  I have not accepted kisses from any of them since.

Eighth: I have no idea how I did it, but somehow I managed to bring almost an entire walk-in closet full of clothes with me...in only two suitcases.  I thought that since I had trimmed the clothing down to two suitcases that I had done pretty good with the over-packing problem I usually experience.  By the time I got done unpacking the little suitcase I was quite sure that I had brought too much and could probably have left the big suitcase at home.  I'm quite sure I could go for over a month and not have to do laundry and still have plenty of clean clothes to spare.  I've gotten so good at packing and organizing things in boxes and bags that I've become my own worst enemy...I no longer have a concept of what its too much because I've gotten so good at compressing things into smaller and smaller areas.  One would think I'm bringing less, but in fact I am bringing the same as before if not more.  Luckily, Simon doesn't have this problem and doesn't seem to mind my monopolization of the closet...and the dresser.  He was quite impressed though with the quantity of things that managed to make it down here with us though.