Gratitudes

I'd just like to take a moment to thank all the people who have recently had such a positive impact on my life. These past few months have been tough for me, as I had been dealing with a relationship in my personal life that had been making me incredibly stressed and unhappy. For the most part, I did the best I could to try to make the best of it, to change it where I could, to try to find understanding, and to just get through it with the majority of my sanity intact. I didn't realize until recently how much this relationship was affecting pretty much all aspects of my life. I was withdrawn, I was sad, I was angry, I was frustrated, and I was incredibly negative. I was also upset with myself for letting this relationship affect me the way that it did. I have always considered myself to be a strong person, to shrug off negativity, and to move on when things had played themselves out, but this situation was different, and it was something that I hadn't dealt with before.

It took me a while to realize how sad, lonely, and depressed I was feeling, and how those feelings were taking over my life. Let's be honest...we all have sad, lonely days, and they're definitely not something that most of us post about on Facebook or Instagram, but the reality of the situation is that they happen to each and every one of us, and sometimes we've got the right tools to deal with them, and sometimes we don't. Sometimes we're comfortable reaching out and asking for help, and sometimes we're not. Sometimes we just lay in bed with the covers over our heads and hope that somehow, magically, our negative situations will just work themselves out. Sometimes we don't even realize how sad we are until our situation dramatically changes.

I've always been a strong proponent of the idea that if there's something about your life that you don't like, then do everything you can to change it. Sounds simple enough, but the fact of the matter is that change isn't easy, and sometimes it takes a significant amount of time and energy for it come about. There are sacrifices, compromises, and losses along the way that all play a factor, and sometimes their merit isn't always obvious amongst the struggles. I've learned that if a relationship is worth saving, sometimes there are hard conversations that need to be had, and there is a certain amount of mutual respect, patience, and compromise that needs to be present in order for those conversations to be successful. Winning an argument is not the same thing as standing up for yourself, and it's really important that both parties understand that, or nothing will change and the negativity will endure. Sometimes those relationships get to the point where they are no longer salvageable, and it becomes time to walk away, difficult as that may be.  

About a month ago Simon and I moved into our new house, and since then, everything has changed for the better. I'm not saying that in order to positively change their situation a person needs to empty their savings account, buy a little cabin in the pines, and move to a neighborhood that offers little more than a tiny general store and a tavern, but apparently it was the change that I so desperately needed. I feel like this move and this house were a welcome and important reset button for me. 

So in no particular order, here are my gratitudes to all of you who have brought recent happiness into my life. Please understand that your kindness, regardless of how small or insignificant you might find it to be, made a world of difference to me, and I'm hoping that from here on out I'm able to do the same for you and for others.

Thanks to Nick for letting me tag along on your fire tower adventures, and for slowing down your pace for me since I would otherwise not be able to keep up.

Thanks to my brother Mikey for the Minnesota care package...the Top the Tator, Old Dutch potato chips, and Surly are such a welcome little taste of home.

Thanks to my cousin Brian for letting me know that you were in the area so we could hang out, catch up, and share some fantastic margaritas at Elote.

Thanks to Sonia, Ggrant, Cedar, and Aspen for coming to our house and having dinner with us. Also a special thanks to Aspen for feeling comfortable to enough to poop in our potty...that was an incredible compliment! Also, that fruit salad? To die for!

Thanks to the staff at the Mountainaire Tavern. Despite the fact that most of you are Packer fans, you've been nothing but kind to us every time that we've been in, even after you found out that we hail from Minnesota.

Thanks to Becky and Brenda for being such amazing and understanding landlords, and for accommodating and supporting us as we purchased our home months prior to the end of our lease.

Thanks to Ryan for organizing the night bike ride at Wupatki on the almost-full moon...that was such an amazing experience with amazing people, and I can't wait to do it again.

Thanks to Surly for making the Moonlander, and to Mick at for SMR for getting me such an incredible deal on it. I've never had so much fun on a bike.

Thanks to Summer for suffering through your first bootcamp class with me. I wish I could say that it gets easier (it doesn't), but it'll definitely start to feel better!

Thanks to Ellen for being there, always. I feel like a friendship like ours is rare, and I hope you know how much I cherish our time together, even when it's something as simple as just sending Happy Birthday balloons back and forth over text.

Thanks to Amy for being Amy. Your positivity and silliness are so incredibly admirable, and I love that about you. Also, you have fantastic taste in sweaters.

Thanks to Kate for being my nemesis. You know deep down you've got a special place in my heart.

Thanks to Lindsey for coming out to ride bikes, for being up for just about anything, and for showing us the wonder that is Priest Draw, which has been in our backyard this whole time.

Thanks to my brother Chris for calling and talking to me on the phone, despite the fact that you hate talking on the phone.

Thanks to Steven, Becki, and Alisa for such a smooth transition into our new house. We love our little log cabin so much!

Thanks to Emily for being our very first house guest, and for giving me some good advice on hiking in the Grand Canyon.

Thanks to Kaitlyn for sending me pictures of you on your wedding day. I was so bummed that it didn't work out for me to come home for it, but you still made me feel like I was a part of your special day.

Thanks to Nick for helping us move into our new home...your muscles and your positive attitude are everything.

Thanks to Charlotte for being such a great listener, and for changing the subject when it needed to be changed. Your perception, your understanding, and your patience are so valuable.

Thanks to my parents for giving me such a passion for road trips, a sense of adventure, some solid common sense, and excitement about minivans. I'm looking forward to seeing you again in July! 

Thanks to Jan and Thomas for lending a hand, offering advice, trying out new recipes on us, putting up with my camping black cloud, and for being the best surrogate parents we could ever ask for. Thanks also for the beautiful chairs...they are our favorite pieces of furniture.

Thanks to Deb for the generous gift for our new home. We can't wait for you to come visit!

Thanks to Shasta for inviting me to the Naked Lady Party...aka, the clothing exchange where I scored some sweet Frye boots, a beautiful turquoise ring, and got to enjoy the company of some really fantastic women.

Thanks to Staci at Yoga Revolution for providing some of the best yoga classes I've ever attended (with the most amazing playlists!), and for just letting me sit in child's pose when everyone else is doing handstands because I'm still too scared to try...I'll get there someday!!

Thanks to my aunts, uncles, and cousins for our wonderful, albeit short, time together in Oklahoma City over Memorial Day weekend. I miss our big gatherings so much.

Thanks to Kelly for being my rock, for being a great walking buddy, for always being willing to listen to me, for matching me in decibel levels, and for not judging when those IPAs catch up with me, as they frequently do.

Thanks to Andy for being such an amazing presence at work, and for talking me into going out for pancakes after a night in the trenches. I look forward to more adventures and maybe a ritual sacrifice as part of our initiation into the e-bike gang.

Thanks to Dana for reaching out to me when you were sad. Sometimes shared sadness makes things better, if only for a little bit. I miss you a lot, and I hope that we get to travel somewhere fun together this year.

Thanks to Tisha, Chris, James, and Madison for the camping trip at Marshal Lake...I enjoyed that so much, and can't wait for more camping adventures and walk-abouts with your kiddos. 

Thanks to Staus and Sarah for your laughs, the bike rides, the board games, your incredible kindness, and for fostering a new and wonderful friendship.

Thanks to Cooper for the giggles, the reluctant snuggles, the constant zeal for napping, the comforting snores, the ever present companionship, the awkward leaping when being picked up, and the unconditional love.

Thanks to Joan for the coffee, the peppers, and for the wonderful conversation.

Thanks to Heather for being such a wonderful Capstone student! You're going to be a fantastic nurse, and the Ortho unit is lucky to have you...although I'm still hoping that we can find a way to steal you away from them.

Thanks to Dana and Eric for being two of the most interesting and wonderful people we've met in a long time. We're looking forward to following along on your Canadian adventures, and hope to see you next summer and maybe share a plate of poutine and talk about bats. 

Thanks to David and Denice for being two of the best people I know. Your relationship with each other is one that I've always admired, respected, and aspired to. I love the random check-ins and the pictures of your kiddos. I'm also really looking forward to David's mustache at our race this summer.

Thanks to Franko for always being just a text or a phone call away. You're one of my oldest and best friends, and I think about you often and miss you more.

Thanks to Jen and Scott for always making time for us despite being two of the busiest people we know. And thanks for always shedding light on the world of Marvel and DC, multiverses that I can barely comprehend but still very much enjoy.

Thanks to Jesse for always being such a goofy bastard. Just the sight of you sauntering around the cafeteria in the middle of the night makes my day. Thanks also for the firepit...hopefully we'll get to use it this summer!

Thanks to Elizabeth for sending us one of our very first pieces of snail mail at our new address...your letters are always a welcome bit of sunshine.

Thanks to Travis for the whiskey and for making us a pit stop on your way from Gunnison to San Diego...it was so wonderful to catch up! Our driveway is your driveway, and I'm looking forward to visiting you in Colorado and maybe doing some fishing!

And last but certainly not least, thanks to Simon for always being the voice of reason, the source of the best hugs, for getting me out of the house, for supporting my ups and downs, and for making the best breakfasts. I don't know where I would go, who I would be, or what I would do without you. I think I truly would have completely lost my shit these past few months if not for you. I know it wasn't easy, and I'm so thankful for your patience, your guidance, and your rationality. I'm sorry I'm such an epic pain in the ass, but after 11 years you're still here with me, and I'm so grateful for that.

For everyone else, because I'm sure I've missed some gratitudes along the way, know that your presence, your smiles, your patience, your phone calls, texts, and letters, and your laughs were a bright light in a dark time, and I'm so thankful for each and every one of you.