In the past week, I've competed in three races...a 10k, a 3k, and a 5k. That's a lot of running for me, someone who still professes that I'm not a runner. Although, I will have to pat myself on the back for running my fastest race to date this morning...I typically don't keep track of my race times because I'm not really working towards anything, and I don't want my race time to be a deterrent if for some reason I think that it's slow. I did the 5K at a 9-minute per mile pace, which is a new personal best for me and I was completely shocked by it. I never run that fast. Especially not when hills, trails, and elevation are involved. I'd like to chalk this up to just me having a good day, but I know better than that. Running with the frequency that I have in the past week is evidence that running more often increases your ability to run harder, faster, and for longer periods of time. Of course I already knew this, it's just that convincing myself to get out there and run is frequently my barrier. I am my own obstacle.
I struggle with running in more ways than one. I hate training. I truly despise it. And why a run has to be considered training and not just a run is completely mental. Whether I've got a race bib on or not, I'm still just going for a run. Maybe I should start wearing my past race bibs when I go out for runs, make me think that I'm running a race. Hahaha! And I'm not going to run on the treadmill...how I loathe the treadmill. Although, when we move to our new place, the YMCA will be right in our backyard, so I'll have no excuse to not hit the treadmill this winter. Dammit. I'm also a very conditional runner. If it's too hot, too cold, raining, snowing, or any other adverse weather conditions, I'm not going running. I will literally try to come up with any excuse to avoid running. I'll wake up in the morning and go over my body like it's a rocket launch: Hips sore? No. Knees? Good. Shoulders? Good. Headache? Constipated? Diarrhea? Nothing to wear (ha...that's a laugh...I have enough athletic-wear to clothe multiple people for days)? Just ate? Period? Hungover? Although to date I've run 2 races hungover...I don't recommend that, but it is doable.
The first mile is always the worst mile. I can't get my breathing in order, my shoulders are creeping up to my ears, my arms are clasped tight to my chest, my feet just can't find a rhythm, and I'm wondering what the hell I was thinking going for a run. I hate the first mile. There are so many thoughts running through my head in that first mile, tips to try to get me to focus on what I'm doing. Slow down, drop your shoulders, relax your arms, no heel striking, slow down, take deep breaths, your shoulders are creeping up again, straighten your spine, slow down, one foot in front of the other, everyone is passing you and that's okay, slow down. I spend the first mile of every race getting passed by about 90% of its participants. I'm pokey, and I force myself to stay that way so I don't burn myself out. But damn, was it hard those first few races to watch everyone blow by me as if I was standing still. It doesn't bother me so much anymore...that's just how it is here in Flagstaff. When it comes to running ability, I'm definitely at the bottom of the spectrum.
I have three goals with running. 1) Finish the race. 2) Don't be last. 3) Don't poop myself. I have so far been able to accomplish all my goals with each race that I've been in. Finishing is the easy part, really. I tell myself before every race that there is no shame in walking, that I'm only competing against myself, and that if I end up having to walk more than run, so what. At least I'm out there doing it and not sitting at home on the couch (well, camp chair now, since I sold the couch). The not-be-last thing is admittedly kind of petty on my part...someone has to come in last, and why should it even matter? If I'm only competing against myself, I'm technically first and last with every race I do. Last is still better than not doing it at all. I just really don't want it to be me. It's stupid, but there it is. My third goal is there mostly for the humor. I'd read some articles a while back about some ultra-marathoners whose bodies literally shut down during their races...to the point that they pooped themselves. I don't want to be the person who crosses the finish line with poop running down my legs. Not that I'll ever have to worry about that...if I'm not the type of person to push myself past the point of uncomfortable heavy breathing, I'm definitely not the type of person to push myself to the point of pooping myself. But, it's a built-in achievable goal...sometimes we need those.
When it comes to running, and races in particular, I have an incredibly hard time pacing myself. I'm nervous, I'm excited, and I get caught up in the momentum of the crowd. Typically Simon runs with me and he paces me. He can definitely run faster than me, but he's much better at reining himself in than I am. I've found that if I can't run beside him, I like to run behind him...he does have a nice butt, after all. But in all seriousness, if I can run behind someone who is pacing me, I can just stare at their feet and zone out for long periods of time. All the races that I've done this summer I have done alone. Which is good for me so I can learn to pace myself, but I definitely struggled more than I probably would have if Simon had been with me. And to be honest, now that I've completed my 5th race of the summer, I still struggle with pacing. In each race I've done, I start out by myself, and after those first few minutes of adjustment, I scope out whomever is around to me to find a pacer. Sometimes I find one, sometimes I don't. I didn't have one this morning, and that's probably why I ran it so much faster than usual. Which means that I can run fast-ish, but that I typically try not to.
The Flagstaff running community is like nothing I've ever experienced before. Granted, until I moved to Flagstaff I hadn't ever been a part of a running community since I'm so new to running (yes, I still consider three years in as new...mostly due to my slow rate of progression). There are some very impressive runners in this little town. I run with people who are Olympians. I run with people who consider running their profession, and they get paid for it. I run with people who are sponsored by Under Armor. I run with people who have traveled all over the country and maybe even the world to run races...and they win some of them! I run with people who consider an 8-mile run a warm up. I run with people who would probably never consider walking a race (as I usually do); I'm assuming they also don't try to talk themselves out of races (as I always do). These runners here in Flagstaff are passionate about running, which is something that I lack, and probably the reason why I haven't made any friends in the running community thus far.
I don't run because I love it. I don't run because I need to prove something to myself. I don't run because I'm good at it. I don't run because it's part of my daily routine. I don't have a good reason for why I run, other than that it's just another form of exercise that will keep me fitting in my pants, and I don't need special equipment or a gym membership to do it. I don't know that passionate runners can relate to that. I guess I don't know, since I'm too shy to talk to any of them at race events.
Weird, right? Me? Shy? Most people blow me off as pulling their chain when I tell them that I'm shy. But the truth is, I'm an introvert who has trained herself to be an extrovert, so the boisterousness that I'm known for hasn't come naturally or easily. It was a really long, really tough, uncomfortable process. I still struggle with it today. Put me by myself in a group of people I don't know, especially a group of people with a common interest, whether I share that interest or not, and I completely withdraw. I literally almost left one of my races in tears because I was so frustrated with myself for not taking the initiative to try to talk to someone...anyone, for Pete's sake. People in Flagstaff are some of the nicest people I've ever met, what am I so afraid of? I'm afraid that they won't like me, that they won't talk to me, that they'll think I'm the world's biggest idiot. And part of me thinks that maybe they'll think that I'm some sort of a fraud, since I don't share their passion for running. I know at the bottom of my heart that that's not true, that the running community here is so incredibly supportive of runners of all abilities, yet I'm still terrified of them. I need to work on that.
So there it is...my latest update on my running journey. It continues. I told Simon that I want to do the Summer Series again next year, and that he's going to do it with me this time. He doesn't really like running, per se, and his knees give him trouble sometimes on the longer distances, but he can rock out a few 10k's and 5k's with me.
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