May 18th...or...I'm Having a Day

I'm having a day.  One of those days that come around every so often when even though things are going right, they feel like they're going wrong.  One of those days where a stupid man might be inclined to question as to whether or not I'm on my period (I'm not).  One of those days where I just want to curl up in a dark room, hide my head under a blanket, and sleep away my bad attitude (actually, I can't sleep with my head under a blanket, it makes me claustrophobic).  Instead of taking a nap, I'm going to type it out.  Mom always told me that if I'm having a bad day, I should just write it all down on a piece of paper and then put it away.  She's a smart woman, that Sharon.  I owe a lot of who I am today to her.

Every time Simon and I move for a new assignment, I have a day like today.  I know it's going to happen, there's rarely much I can do to prevent it.  And the slightest little thing will set it off.  I woke up rather pleasantly this morning.  I actually slept in past 5am, which doesn't happen often after gaining two hours in the switch from Minnesota Time to Arizona Time.  I've been trying to keep myself up at night in an attempt to sleep longer in the morning, and today was my first successful day.  Not that I really minded getting up at 5am...I was impressed with everything that I could get accomplished before 10am.  It was a weird feeling having to actually kill time waiting for Target and the Post Office to open.  Maybe the sleeping in made me crabby.  I don't know.

Maybe it was Simon rushing me through the grocery store this morning.  Call me crazy, but grocery shopping is somewhat zen for me, particularly when it's early in the morning.  I like to wander up and down every aisle, see what's on the shelves, check my list and cross things off as they make their way into my cart.  Simon hates grocery shopping.  He's got a one-track mind when it comes to grocery shopping...get in, get the kale, the beets, the wraps, the tunafish, the cheese...and get out.  Fortunately for him, he can survive on a diet of kale, beets, wraps, tunafish, and cheese...unfortunately for me, I cannot.  So that's why I wander.  Thinking about different recipes I've got in the queue, what I'd like to make this week, what sorts of things I'll have to buy. I'm always thinking ahead.  Sometimes too far ahead, which is why we have so much food left over at the end of our assignments.  I'm sure grocery shopping with me is as stressful for him as grocery shopping with him is for me.  It's just one of those things that you can't do anything about, and so it's really not worth the trouble of getting upset about.  However, due to the rushing, we forgot to get pepperoni (my fault) and mayo (his fault).  But we did remember most of the stuff...and a couple bags of jalapeno kettle chips somehow made their way into the cart.  No idea how that happened.

So then we came back to the condo.  Oh, the condo.  What a freaking disaster.  I'm trying to keep a good attitude about the place, but it's really been a struggle.  My first mistake was agreeing to pay $2,000 a month for a place that I had never seen (and $2000 a month is a steal in Flagstaff in summer months...the cost of living here is outrageous).  I'll know better for next time.  Not that all the pictures in the world could have prepared me for the broken washing machine, the broken stove, the filthy kitchen, the broken-off lightbulbs, the filthy carpet (dirt and pet stains), the broken ottoman, the broken dining room chair, or the recliner that smells like the inside of a smoker's car.  However, judging by the decor, I would never have agreed to rent this place had I seen pictures beforehand...I don't think it's been updated since the early 80's.  I about lost it.  I wanted to break the lease and move elsewhere, as the manager at the apartment complex that Simon and I had rented at in the fall and winter months said she would love to have us back.  Upon moving in to the condo, I spent more than two hours wiping down every single surface in the kitchen, I washed every single dish in the cupboards, including soaking several pots and pans that still had food in them.  There was literally grease on everything.  There were also about 8 bottles of pepper, and 7 containers of salt, amongst other things...they went in the trash, as there was no way to know how old they were.  The empty spice containers were pitched as well...who puts empty spice jars back in the cupboard?  Throw that crap out, for the love of Pete!  Broken dishes, microwave containers to which there were no lids, lids to which there were no containers...I could go on, but I won't.  This writing is supposed to be therapeutic and here I am getting myself all worked up again.

On the positive: the stove is being replaced on Monday.  Hooray!  A couple repair guys came to inspect the washing machine, and apparently it needs a new motor.  The manager of the lease company is aware and is working on it...luckily I over-pack on every assignment and probably have enough clothes to get me through the month of July without needing to do a single load of laundry (that's no exaggeration...ask Simon about having to load my bags into the trailer, and also about his one drawer in the dresser).  The maintenance guy came over today and replaced a bunch of the light bulbs and repaired the fixtures that had broken bulbs in them.  And luckily for us the place isn't riddled with cat urine like our place in St. Cloud last summer, nor was there a commode waiting for us in the master bedroom like our place in Florida two winters ago.  So there are some positives.  There are a lot of windows that let in a lot of light, our condo is built into the side of a hill so we get lots of nice breezes coming in (good thing, since a lot of rental places in Flag don't have air conditioning), we have a spare bedroom for guests to stay, the living and dining areas are very open and spacious, the internet and cable works, the dogs didn't mess immediately upon entering the place, which is their typical MO...there are a lot of good things that I should be focusing on.

I think I've got my bad attitude narrowed down, and it's mostly due to the impatience of moving into a place that isn't actually "mine."  Especially a dirty, poorly maintained place.  And it never will be mine, so long as I keep up with this traveling job.  And I know that.  I'm aware of it, and most of the time I'm okay with it, but there are days (like today), where I just want to walk across my own carpet, sit on my own couch, and drink a glass of orange juice out of my own cup.  I want to walk into a house and know that there's a place for everything and everything is in its place.  And that's just not possible right now.  Simon tries to be supportive, but these sorts of things don't bother him like they bother me.  Simon has very simple, basic needs when it comes to where he lives.  I don't know if I'm more bothered by things because I used to own my house or because I had been living on my own for several years and I had developed certain ideas about how things should be.  Maybe it's because I'm a girl and I care more about these things more than he does.  He's always had roommates, and usually he was living in their houses, so he's never really had his own space or had the need to worry about the space.  And I'm not ragging on him at all...it's just that on days like today, our differing expectations and tolerance of our living space become painfully obvious.  He tolerates clutter and having things out of their place because then he can see everything and knows where it is.  I, on the other hand, can't stand clutter and want everything that isn't being used to be put away and out of sight.  So when Simon sees nothing amiss with the state of a room, all I see is clutter and things that should be put away (it's that whole right-brain/left-brain thing).  It is what it is.  And it's not normally an issue...except for when I'm having one of my days.  And in the broad scheme of things, what does it really matter if things are sitting out?  

On the plus side, I'm glad to be back in Flagstaff.  Something about this town just resonates with me, and I could definitely see myself settling here for good someday...in my own space with my own carpet and my own couch and my own cups.  Simon and I went out to eat at Satchmo's last night with our friends Jim and Jess, and I had the most amazing andouille sausage po'boy...seriously, I don't know if it's possible to top that sandwich.  It was nice to spend a night out with friends.  It's nice to have friends to spend time with.  It's nice to feel the sunshine on my face every day, and to know that I'm going to go back to work with a fantastic group of people.  I got some good news yesterday that Brie's new condition isn't life-threatening, but is in fact a common case of hip displaysia complicated by right hip arthritis (apparently this is very common in pugs, and the vet was surprised that Brie wasn't having issues with it before).  She's not in pain, she's not suffering...she's just an old lady.  An old lady who fell and ripped the toenail off her front left foot leaving her right leg as the only one without an issue at the moment.  But she's happy, she's healthy, and that's really the best outcome I could have hoped for.

So yeah, lots of good going on.  I feel better now.  Thanks for listening to me whine and complain about a life that really doesn't leave me with much to whine and complain about.  It's just one of those days.