So Minnesota just passed legislation to legalize same-sex marriages. It was a long time coming and I'm glad it's over and done with so that we can move on to the next thing. I think it's embarrassing that it took as long as it did, but I'm so proud to be a Minnesotan these days. It wasn't so long ago that women weren't allowed to vote, or that blacks and other non-whites weren't allowed to use the same bathrooms, drinking fountains, or even entrances to stores as white people. We look back on that now and it seems ridiculous that it was ever an issue. I hope that in a few years, the majority of Americans will feel the same way about same-sex marriage.
After the final vote came in for Minnesota to legalize same-sex marriages, I posted a little blurb on my Facebook page, thanking Minnesota for respecting civil rights. I know that posting things on Facebook leaves a person open to all kinds of praise and criticism, and so I should have been prepared for a little backlash. And I did get some, but not much. And for some reason I just keep thinking about it. Not that it's affecting my day-to-day life, but I just don't understand some people's thinking or logic. The person in question is apparently a cousin of mine...she's a cousin of my mom's so I don't know what that makes her to me...all I know is that we are related. I don't know that I've ever actually met the woman face to face. When she friend-requested me a few years ago, I accepted her request because whether I knew her well or not, we were family. For the past few years, it seems that the only time she would make a comment on my Facebook page was to criticize my support of homosexuals and the Democratic party. Just little snippets here and there, and by no means was she the only one coming after me for my politics or my tolerance.
Her comment to my praise of same-sex marriage went something along the lines of this: "What a sad day for our state and country. There WILL be repercussions for this. You wait and see." I was instantly enraged. She wasn't threatening me personally for the legalization of same-sex marriage, but she was indeed making a threat. I had a whole retort prepared for her, and I almost posted it. I wanted to rip her up one side and down the other. Mostly to ask her what sort of "repercussions" she was referring to. Were we all holding hands and dancing through the tulips singing about how great life was prior to gay marriage becoming legalized? If a tornado rips through a part of Minnesota and people die, will gay marriage be the culprit? And if so, how does one go about proving that? Because I'm pretty sure your college educated meteorologist would explain that tornadoes are not caused by homosexuality, but are, in fact, caused by proven weather patterns. I wanted to ask her how she thought her day-to-day life was going to change now that women could marry women and men could marry men. Does she even know any gay people? Or, to phrase it differently, is she completely unaware of the fact that she probably knows and is possibly related to gay people? In lieu of starting a Facebook battle, in which neither side was going to budge from their ideologies, I decided to delete both her and her comment from my Facebook page. Let her post all the bigotry she wants on her own page...I refuse to tolerate it on mine.
I don't get how people blame bad things in the world on homosexuality. I truly do not understand it. Hypothetically speaking, if all the gay people in the world somehow one day decided to be straight, who then would all the badness in the world be blamed on? Really, I would like to know, because fundamentalists always need a scapegoat. According to them, things can't just happen because someone was in the wrong place at the wrong time, or because weather patterns change, or because a mentally unwell person somehow had access to firearms. Probably they would go after (and already do) people getting abortions. Guess who's not getting abortions? Gay couples. Gay couples have to try even harder to have children than straight couples. So what's worse? Being gay or getting an abortion? I'm sure they're both equally bad and equally detrimental in the opinions of fundamentalists...but somehow the gays seem to be the ones in the spotlight. Maybe it's because gay people are more obvious. They have the "audacity" to happily walk around in public holding hands with their partner. Most people who have abortions don't go around singing the praises of the procedure, and therefore remain mostly anonymous.
I think if you took away the religious aspect of why people hate homosexuals, you would find a person who is very intimidated or maybe even repressed by sex. The thought of two men or two women having sex with each other is so foreign and so repulsive to them. I don't think about it. I'd rather not think about anyone having sex, and to be honest, it's none of my business. I remember when I was younger people would talk about how they walked in on their parents having sex, and they would go on and on about how traumatized they were by it. I didn't really want to think about my own parents having sex, but figured that if I had to, I concluded that sex between two consenting adults is a good sign of a healthy relationship. Simple. Easy. Kept me from thinking about the How and more about the Why. And the sort of sex that might be going on behind closed doors is no one's business but the people carrying it out. I'll have you know that I have friends who possessed ball gags, hand cuffs, strap-ons, double-headed dildos, and more...and they used them. Frequently. These people were not gay, they were straight. A man and a woman. If a straight man enjoys a dildo up his butt, does that make him gay? And if it does, is he then directly responsible for all the deaths caused by a school shooting? Is he also directly responsible for the death for a Marine killed in combat on foreign soil? Does my friendship with him make me responsible as well? I don't know where fundamentalists come up with this stuff.
Well, I kind of do. It's fear. Fear of something different, fear of something that they've been told is an abomination from day one, never once taking the time to think outside the box, or to think about it for themselves. A gay person is no different than a straight person. And just because it's now legal for them to be married, it doesn't mean that gay people are going to try to start stealing away people's husbands and wives. It doesn't mean that they're going to start flaunting their relationships to the masses any more than straight couples do now. I've been hit on in bar by a lesbian exactly once in my life. And let me tell you, it was a heck of a lot more pleasant and respectful than the many advances I've had by men over the years. Once I told her that I was straight, she apologized, told me she thought I was beautiful and then she left. She didn't try to pull my top down, grab my boob, grab my butt, or continue to hit on me anyway, which is more than I can say for some of those aforementioned men.
So I guess in conclusion, I didn't write this to change anyone's mind about homosexuality. I think people will continue to believe what they believe and they're entitled to that...just as I am. Mostly I wrote this as a sign of support...not just for my homosexual friends, but for anyone who isn't treated fairly just because they're perceived to be different. We all deserve equality. I think if people could put the same amount of energy that they put forth towards their hatred into something productive, you'd find a lot more happy people in this world.
The End.
Stef - Such a logical argument, I can't believe anyone could see this issue any differently. Greatly written! :)
ReplyDeletei have to say - i too am glad this is over and done. and, will you be surprised? - i'm glad it ended the way it did for mn.
ReplyDeletei don't think that our government should be able to legislate who can be legally married. ok. take that back. i think it's good that minors aren't allowed to be married. but two consenting adults? go for it. (i do think that _two_ consenting adults is also a good parameter . . . .)
i'm rambling. and to continue my ramble, because i can see the possibility of the new legislation heading this direction - i think that religious institutions should be able to decide, within their own four walls, who may be married within their own four walls.
for example, i would never choose to press my case and be married in a synagogue - because i'm not jewish, because some of my theology and ideology is different than what is taught there, and because i don't think that the policy in most synagogues is to marry people who are not professing jews; i'm not going to request them to change some of their ideology to fit performing a marriage ceremony for me. i think that pertains here as well. a gay couple should find a place to be married (religious or secular) that will celebrate along with them in their marriage. a religious or secular institution that refuses to perform a marriage for a gay couple should not be labeled as hateful. their ideology just doesn't match.
no religious or secular group (because there _are_ secular people - non-fundamentalist, non-christian - who are homophobic as well, and not all christians, even fundamental christians, are homophobic) should spew out hate and judgement, though. two people of whatever orientation having a consenting relationship don't have any effect on the weather or the recession or tragedy and don't deserve to be bombarded with hate for the relationship they are in.
and - if one believes in God - that one should believe that it is between God and each individual what that individual's eternal destiny is. i believe in God and believe that i have a living and active relationship with Him through His Son and His Spirit. i do not believe that entitles me to, nor do i have any desire to, run around and shout out where i think this sort of person or that sort of person is going to spend eternity.
as a professing and living christian, i want to strive to be like Jesus. the only people Jesus showed anger and harsh judgement toward were people who were using a form of religion to further their own selfish, prideful agendas (a good portion of the pharisees and saducees, some of the chief priests, the money-changers and sacrifice-animal salesmen who were cheating worshipers in the temple, etc.). i do believe that there are situations and people even which can evoke righteous anger, but my friend jan and her partner of 15+ years being able to have a document legalizing their commitment and having it be as easy for them as it is for ben and i to make in-case-of disability or injury or death sorts of situations - this does not evoke anger or fear in me. i am very happy for them and others in their same situation!
so that's my 25 cents.
I like your 25 cents E...and they are always welcome. I feel the same way about who gets married where, and finding the best fit for their beliefs and ideologies. If certain churches don't want to recognize same-sex marriage, that is their choice and their right. I'm just glad that same-sex marriages are finally recognized by our state. :)
ReplyDeleteAnd you're right, there are secular people who are homophobes as well...I shouldn't have just picked on the fundamentalists. I think I got a little hung up on the comments from my family member, as she was insinuating that God was going to start punishing us for legalizing same-sex marriage. I might go in and change/add some things as they come to me. Thanks for pointing that out...I'm always open to suggestion and seeing things from a different angle. :)
As always, I appreciate your input, and I'm glad that you like reading my blogs. Miss you and the family! Glad you are getting some sunshine finally!! :)