Tuesday, June 9, 2015

The Period Blog

I think at some point in her life, every woman should write about her period.  Not necessarily with the intention of posting it on social media, or even with the intent of having anyone else read it.  I think every woman should write about her period with the intention of thinking about what it is, what it means, and how it affects her. 

Periods are gross.  There's no getting around that.  At some point, every woman is going to get blood on her hands, her pants, her bed sheets, her office chair...it's not if, it's when.  If I had the option to not have a period, I'd take it...I think almost every woman out there would opt to not have a period if given the choice.  As it stands, there are very few options out there for a woman to rid herself, once and for all, of the dreaded period.  Surgical intervention, hormone therapy, and menopause.  That's it.  Those are our options.  I, for one, have considered the first, tried the second, and have not yet gone through the third.  So that leaves me having to deal with my Red Passenger (that's what I call it...most every woman has a name for her period) for the next 20 years or so.  Lucky me. 

I remember in high school being so embarrassed and ashamed by having a period.  As if there was something wrong with me.  As if I alone was suffering from it.  It was so shameful to be stricken with such a malady that no one wanted to talk about it.  And why not?  Why the heck not?  Nearly every woman in the history of mankind has had a period.  It's not like we need to shout about it from the rooftops, but for pete's sake, had I been able to verbalize about my period without the threat of being ridiculed, shamed, or shushed, I think that would have helped me so much through those formative years when my entire world was in upheaval as I tried to figure myself out.  Being a teenager is hard enough without feeling shameful or being ridiculed about a natural body process.

There's this new idea going around amongst women called "free bleeding."  It's partly about what the name implies, but there's more to it than just lying around in pants and on sheets that you don't mind soiling...that's actually a part of the idea that few women have gotten on board with.  The idea behind free bleeding is taking time out to sit and think about what our bodies are going through.  To bring awareness to what awesome machines are bodies are.  How they function without us asking them to, how they get us from place to place, how they keep us safe and warm, active and comfortable.  When you really stop to think about the fact that our bodies are bleeding because it's all part of the bigger function of bringing new life into this world, it's pretty awesome.  Even someone like me who has no interest in having children can appreciate the amazing things my body could do, should I ever ask it to.

The reason I felt inspired to write about my period is that I've discovered a whole new side to menstrual products.  Products that you'll rarely, if ever, find in the stores.  I'm not sure why, but I'm sure it has something to do with money.  Doesn't it always?  We use the products that are most easy to obtain, and given that the period is something most of us would rather not think about, let alone have to deal with, we choose the easiest, most available option in the interest of getting the whole thing over and done with.  The thing is, most readily available menstrual products are kind of toxic...and irritating.  And itchy.  Not to mention expensive...feminine hygiene products are a multi-billion dollar industry.  And what's up with those scented ones?  Good gravy, I accidentally bought a box of scented tampons once and I thought my windpipe was going to close up from an allergic reaction to the smell.  The entire bathroom smelled like those tampons until I finally put them in a ziplock bag to seal them up and dispose of them (actually, I took them to work and put them in the staff bathroom for emergencies).  What woman's lady parts smell so terribly that the smell of those scented tampons would be considered an improvement?  And what is that scent coming from anyway?  Something that I'm going to absorb into my body?  No thanks.  I've lately been of the idea that I'd like to create less waste if at all possible.  Women's traditional menstrual products create so much waste, and sometimes I think about that giant, floating mass of plastic out in the Pacific Ocean, and I can't help but wonder what percentage of that happens to be plastic tampon applicators.        

Several months ago, a friend introduced me to a product called the Diva Cup.  Why it's called that, I have no idea.  Terrible name, pretty decent product.  Not to be uncouth, but the basic premise is shoving the equivalent of a silicone shot glass up one's hoo-haa in lieu of using tampons.  I'm on day 2 with the Diva Cup, and we're still trying to figure each other out.  The claim that I can potentially go 12 hours without having to empty the cup is a laugh, but I kinda figured that going into it.  Still, there was this little hope in the back of my head that had me thinking about how wonderful it would be to only have to deal with the period twice a day.  Alas, that was not to be...at least not today, and probably not tomorrow.  Maybe Thursday.  So here I sit, filling up my shot glass as I type this.  How many of you just grimaced after that last sentence?  Hahaha!  I'm not going to lie...the first few times the Diva and I came head to head, it looked like there had been a massacre.  In true Stefanie fashion, I wanted to toss the thing in the trash after the first extraction, but I persevered and decided that I have to give it (and myself) more than one chance to get it right.  The Diva and I are getting along better now.  The Amazon reviews on it from other period stricken women have been invaluable.  There's another cup I'd like to try called the FemmyCycle...seriously, who is in charge of naming these things?  Remember how I said that having the period is bad enough?  The naming of these products is just adding insult to injury.  Let's all sit around and talk about our FemmyCycles.  Gag.

There are also reusable alternatives to pads and panty liners.  Again, no idea these things even existed.  I learned a lot today from Amazon and YouTube.  If you've ever known someone who uses modern cloth diapers on their babies, it's kind of like that...but without that whole outer-pants layer.  Most of them are made from bamboo or organic cotton.  There are so many different types and sizes that I was pretty overwhelmed trying to figure out which ones I was looking for.  You want to know the most bothersome thing about them?  The ones with the light colored or light patterned crotches.  I get it, there's a movement to try to make the period cute and less shameful and who wouldn't want a maxi pad with cute little owls on it?  But seriously.  We're talking about blood stains here people; unless the pattern is black owls at night during a new moon, I'm not interested.  Let's get on board with the dark fabrics.  It's not like we're trying to pretend that we're not going to be getting blood on them.  There's a really good reason why most women don't wear white pants when they're on their period.

If you're at all interested in some of these products, shoot me a line, I'd be glad to share what I've found with you.  There's also this adorable little British chick who has a bunch of YouTube videos devoted to these products.  Spoiler alert: she keeps all her clothes on.  Find her here.

And I guess that's it.  My period post.  I guess I'm not so annoyed by it after all.            

  

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