Saving Money is Hard

Back in June, I significantly dropped my hours at work to have the ability to spend more time doing the things I like to do...camping, traveling, blogging, visiting with with friends, drinking lots of coffee, etc. I had made a promise to myself that I would change my spending habits to accommodate the smaller paychecks, and that overall has been a massive fail. It was such a big fail that I'm actually increasing my scheduled working hours again after the first of the year. Surprisingly enough, I'm actually okay with working more, much to the chagrin of my boss who asked me multiple times if I was absolutely sure I wanted to work more. I'm sure. Let's get this done, because working more is all part of my grand master betterment plan for 2018. :)

My overall problem with spending is this: I'm really good at shopping. Not to be confused with really enjoying shopping, because enjoying shopping doesn't necessarily drive my shopping habit; getting a good deal drives my shopping habit. I have this irrepressible urge to get a deal on things, which I think most people understand. It really doesn't matter what I'm buying or how badly I might want or need it; if I feel like I'm getting a good deal, I buy the thing without thinking twice about it. The buyer's remorse typically follows soon afterward, but I can usually console myself slightly by reminding myself that I got a good deal on a thing that I didn't need in the first place. My headspace is, at times, a very turbulent place to be.

Over the years I've had friends task me with finding things for them when they are short on time or interest because they know I'm good at it, there's a sick part of me that enjoys it, and that I'll take the time to do it. It gives me a sense of self worth to know that I saved money for myself or someone else. I can confidently say that I rarely, if ever, pay full price for anything, which comes in handy every now and again, but for the most part it actually ends up costing me more money in the long run because I'm getting deals on things that I don't actually need.

Another thing I need to work on is getting a hobby. An inexpensive hobby. I currently have a garage full of some relatively expensive toys that I just need to make a point to use more often. If there's one thing that I've amassed through all of this recreational shopping, it's a veritable arsenal of outdoor equipment. Kayaks, paddle boards, mountain bikes, snowshoes, a scooter, skis, a road bike (sort of...does a fixie count as a road bike?), hiking backpacks of all shapes and sizes and the camping gear to go with them, a camper van that is stuffed to the max with all of the amenities a glamper could ever want. I could probably go on, but now I just sound like a whiney, bored, entitled American. "I have all the things and I'm still not happy...wah." Truthfully, that's the conversation I need to get out of my head. I need to look at my things and be happy with what I've got. I need to go beyond just being happy with it and get my butt out of the house to use some of that stuff.

I also need to remind myself that every dollar spent on something I don't need is a dollar taken away from a down payment on a house (which Simon and I hope to have within the next year or so), a trip to somewhere fun (Iceland, Australia, New Zealand, and Ireland are high up on our lists right now, in addition to loads of travel in America), or let's be real, one of BAVerly's frequent trips to the mechanic for some stupid sensor or another (seriously, talk about a poor financial decision).

I've found (and research has shown) that social media drives a lot of these unnecessary wants and desires. We see all these things that people are doing and things that they have and places they go and we want to emulate that so badly. Not realizing, of course, that there are probably people out there looking at our pages and thinking the exact same thing. It's a culture of wanting, of buying, of convincing ourselves that we'll be happy if we could only have that one thing that the other person has, and then once we have that thing, we want the thing that another person has. It never ends.

A few months ago (prior to my decision that I needed to do something about this shopping problem of mine), I subscribed to the FabFitFun box (through an Instagram ad...doh!), meaning that I'll get 4 packages a year of random fitness, fashion, and wellness products. Seemed like a good idea at the time. Who doesn't like a box of random goodies delivered right to your door? Oh, and here's a sweetened deal...sign up for the yearly box and you get to have a say in some of the products that end up in it. What?? Get out of town...you mean I get to choose what unnecessary products I receive, knowing full well that I may never use them and might very well pass them off to some of my friends as gifts? What a fantastic idea! But wait, there's more! They have mid-season capsules where you can buy name-brand products at a fraction of the cost, and if you spend $15, you get free shipping! The free shipping gets me every time, dammit. These marketers man, they are so good at what they do. They've got my number and I'm on speed dial.

Can we talk about free shipping for a moment? What a marketing boon that has been. Seriously. I buy things just because the shipping is free. I add extra things to my cart to get to that magic free shipping number, because it feels like I'm just throwing my money away when I could replace the shipping cost with a jar of peanut butter or a set of markers or a pug themed pair of socks. So is the peanut butter free or is the shipping free? Do I even like that kind of peanut butter or was it the perfect price to put my cart mere cents over the free shipping mark? Tough to tell sometimes.

I have a plan that I'm hoping to implement after the first of the year, because we all know that the start of a new year is the very best time to roll out those life changes that we very easily could start any time that we want. But I digress...sometimes it's nice to have a buffer to prepare ourselves for the upcoming change. And let's be honest, with Christmas coming up, December isn't really the most opportune month to start a new financial plan, although there are some that might argue that it's the best time, because the desire to shop around the holidays is at an all-time high. But I'm taking baby steps, because this is a deep seeded habit that we're talking about here.  

As a first step in my new financial plan, I've unsubscribed from most of the promotional emails I get from some of my favorite stores. These stores make it far too easy for a deal junkie like me with their promotional coupons and their 'deals of the day' and their free shipping and their free samples. Did I need a rainbow colored down blanket? Absolutely not, but I had a coupon, a gift card, free shipping AND 5% cash back if I used that store's credit card for the purchase...what a great deal! Seriously, I have so many blankets. And you know the stupidest part about my blanket hoarding? I squirrel them away because I don't like getting dog hair on them. Heaven's to Betsy I have so many issues. So many issues. Moving on...www.Unroll.me has been a great resource in filtering out the emails I want from the ones that I don't. To be clear, I want all of them, but I'm at the point where I realize that my wants are definitely not a functional part of my desired reality and I need to just step away. Exit the burning building like a badass without looking back (but the blankets! The blankets are burning! Forget the blankets). I installed AdBlocker on each of my computers so I don't see ads for things that I had previously been searching for, or for whatever the bots think I might like. I mark ads on Instagram as 'not relevant' when they pop up during my scrolling. I'm very slowly and with marginal effectiveness removing advertisements from my life. It's actually quite difficult, living in a consumerist society and all.

As a second step, I'm going to keep track of all the incidental things that I purchase that are unnecessary. I'm going to create a note in my phone and I'm going to go over each receipt from places that I shop and I'm going to tally up all those impulse buys. I can tell you right now, it's not going to be pretty; I know myself and I know my shopping, and I know that I buy random shit just for the sake of buying something and fulfilling that sick sense of accomplishment that goes hand-in-hand with getting a good deal. My hope is that in making myself aware of all the money that I'm spending on things that I don't need, I'll start being a little more thoughtful about what I'm buying when I'm buying it.

I'll give an example. Recently I had gone down to Cottonwood to visit my parents who are staying in AZ for the next month. I had planned on staying overnight, and in my rush to get moving and my complete ineptitude at multi-tasking, I neglected to throw my toiletries in my bag. I ended up having to buy a bar of soap, a toothbrush, toothpaste, lotion, and some random hair stuff. Basically, all the things that were in my toiletry kit. Now, it could be argued that I could have just used my parents' toiletries, which would be a really good argument. However, I like my things. I'm picky about the products that I use and I like my scents and my lotions, and given that I have eczema that appears whenever I try a new bath product, it's nice to stick with the things that I and my finicky skin are used to. So there's that (obviously, there were some mental gymnastics at play here...it was one night, for Pete's sake). It could also be argued that had I just taken 30 seconds to double-check my bag before running out the door, I would have realized that the toiletry kit was missing. I feel that this is the better argument, and it's also a precursor to where that thoughtful part of shopping comes in. It is also where taking a little extra time to make sure all my ducks are in a row comes into play. For the record, I've already made a change in that I keep my toiletry kit in my overnight bag, rather than under the sink in the bathroom, which is where it used to reside.

I know I keep using Christmas as an excuse for why I'm not being more proactive right now, and it's just that...an excuse. The consumerism is strong this time of year! There's also a little voice in the back of my head telling me that I should go out on Boxing Day (the day after Christmas) to capitalize on all the deals in preparation for the next holiday season. Been there, done that...not only does it save me a ton of money, but it also satisfies that part of me that likes to buy things for other people. I need to get over that too. The vast majority of the people I know and love are functional adults who buy what they want when they want it, and have very little wants or needs that would be satisfied in the form of a random Christmas gift from me. I think most of them would be thrilled to get a handwritten letter or a postcard just letting them know I'm thinking about them. So you've been warned...no Christmas gifts next year...hahaha! Maybe I'll finally get around to doing one of those photo Christmas cards that I've been talking about for the last 10 years or so. Maybe I'll prepare a meal and have friends over, as the company of those I care about is far more valuable than a bar or soap, a coffee mug, or a scented candle ever could be.

I was talking with Simon recently, and I made the comment that the house we live in could literally burn to the ground and the only thing I would care about losing is Cooper (and Simon, of course, but in my hypothetical situation there were no people in the house during the time of said burning down...I just didn't want you all to think I value my dog over my husband, although there are days...hahaha!). He was shocked by that. This is the man who when we lived in a house where there was an actual wildfire burning up the backyard, evacuated my drawers of Lululemon to the yard across the street because god forbid my expensive yoga wear go up in flames (He evacuated the pugs first, of course). And the thing is, back then, I would have cared about that. I couldn't be bothered to care now. I have so much of it that I could probably not do laundry for two months and still manage to wear something new every single day. I do everything in my Lululemon now, whereas before I would squirrel it away to keep it safe from rips, stains, dirt, cooking grease, and dog hair. Clothes are meant to be worn, and if I had compulsively spent that much money on them, I damn well better wear them until they're in tatters. So yeah...Simon and Cooper. They're my world. They are the irreplaceable parts of my life...the rest is just stuff.

And that's what it all comes down to. Stuff. I think about how we whine and cry here in America about all the things we don't have, all the opportunities we feel we're missing out on, our fixation on suing the shit out of anyone who looks at us funny or who may or may not have touched us inappropriately 30 years ago under ambiguous circumstances or mommy-shaming and helicopter parenting or how Starbucks is ruining Christmas or how we need self-driving cars in America because people are still far too stupid to quit texting and/or drinking and driving. The list goes on and on, marching out our mental boredom in this country. I think about our time in Thailand, and how a large majority of the people living there have almost nothing to their names. The amount of stuff we have here in America and the things we choose to fixate on are probably unfathomable to the average Thai person. I wonder what consumes their daily thoughts, what things they worry about, what plans they have for their futures. What are their wants, desires, perceived inadequacies? Most of the Thai people I met seemed to be pretty jovial people, and when I think about how the average American would approach their circumstances, I can't help but think that they'd be appalled. There's not enough trivial stuff to fill up their lives, their minds, their gross lack of imaginations. We're drowning in stuff and our desire for more, and most of us don't even realize it.

I'm hoping that as I venture into this life/habit change at the start of the new year, that I'll maybe have some people join me. The more the merrier! Let's enjoy our lack of consumerism together! If not join me, then at a bare minimum offer some support, advice, and limit-setting. Get me out of the house to go paddle boarding, kayaking, and biking. I think this change is completely doable with a lot of little changes, that'll eventually add up to some big changes, and will be better for me and my financial future overall. That's my hope anyway.