So we’ve been in Florida about a week now, and there have been some interesting developments.
1. I spoke too soon when I said that the dogs were perfect on the trip to Florida. They were not. We moved into our apartment last Friday, and as is custom when arriving at the apartment for the first time, we put the dogs in the apartment first so they don’t freak out in the car. On the way to the apartment, we stopped for a little bit so they could do their business. They did their business. We got into the apartment and were wandering around, checking it out. I hadn’t even gotten through the entire apartment yet when I stepped in a pile of Cooper’s poop. It gets better. Not knowing that I had stepped in the poop, I proceeded to track it all over the portion of the apartment that I had not yet seen. I came out of the second bedroom to see a pile of turds on the floor. At the same time, Simon said, “Eww…and someone stepped in it!” It was then that I noticed the turds that were ground into the carpet. Great. So I’m pissed, because at this point we have nothing to pick the poop up with. Everything is still out in the car. So we’re sitting there, wondering how we’re going to get the poop off the floor and out of the carpet, when Brie decided this was also the perfect time for her to crap on the floor. I about lost it. She got quite the spanking for that one. Fortunately, I saw her pooping and wasn’t stupid enough to step in it. They were locked in the bathroom for the remainder of the moving in period.
2. The apartment is…interesting. It’s definitely not the worst housing that we’ve had, but it’s a far cry from the best. The washer and dryer are tiny…minuscule…able to wash one lap blanket and a towel at the same time. Knowing that we were going to have our own washer and dryer in Florida, I hadn’t done laundry in Burlington for about three weeks before we left. Honestly, it probably took me about 10 loads of wash to do what could have been done in about 4 or 5. Seems like kind of a waste of electricity and water. Oh, and the washer doesn’t have a vigorous enough spin cycle to open the Downy ball, so now I’m using dryer sheets for the first time in my life. It’s actually rather pleasant. No idea why I didn’t use dryer sheets before this…way easier than the Downy ball.
3. I still have yet to see a gator. I wonder if there are actually any around here. We live right next to a “lake,” and there are all kinds of birds, turtles, and fish milling about, so I’m guessing that there are no gators in our “lake.” And I say “lake,” because that’s what it says on the website. Anyone from Minnesota, or anywhere that has bodies of water larger than the average backyard swimming pool know that this is not a lake. It’s a pond…at best. There are some nice fountains to add to the over all look of the water, which is a nice touch. I think the No Swimming sign is unnecessary…I don’t know anyone that would swim in that water. You’d have to wander through a field of duck poop to get to it, and by that time would probably lose your excitement for swimming all together. There is a nice sized pool with some nice looking lounge chairs, so I’m sure we’ll spend our water-related apartment activities there. The apartment itself is average, at best. We’re lucky in that our door and windows face the lake, and we’re at the end of a sidewalk so there aren’t people walking by all the time, which is good because we’re on the ground level. I wish the people on the corner in the ground level apartment were more aware of the fact that they’re on the ground level and that people are walking by all the time…we’ve seen the man in there several times sitting on a kitchen chair with no shirt on. He’s not thin. Of our two bathrooms (more on those in a minute), one has horrible water pressure, and the other smells like a litter box. We’ve determined that either there was a mouse problem, a cat that couldn’t quite hit the box, or some extensive water damage that was covered up by a thin layer of sawdust under the sink. In any case, no amount of air freshener has been able to free us from the stink. The location of the apartment kind of sucks, in that we’re sandwiched between two six-lane roads, neither of which have sidewalks along them or leading up to them. If we want to walk the dogs, we either walk around the apartment complex or we throw them in the car and drive somewhere. The closest dog park is 11 miles away. The beach is about 15 miles away. Work is 10 miles away. Everywhere we want or need to go is about 10 miles away (except for Target…that’s only 1.5 miles away, but we always have to drive there because there are no sidewalks). I guess you could say we’re “in the middle of everything,” while at the time being in the middle of no where. We are, however, within walking distance of a KFC, if for some reason I ever find the desire to get The Diarrhea. A quote about our apartment complex from a review found on the internet: “If you like to party, live like a pig and urinate in public this is the place for you.” I haven’t seen anything to make me feel that way about this place, however we’ve only been here a week. More to come, perhaps?
4. The bathrooms…those of you coming to visit will love this. So Simon and I were pretty excited about having two bathrooms, since we’ve never had two before. We decided that one bathroom would be the peeing/showering bathroom, and the other would be the poop bathroom. For those of you coming down here, the guest bathroom happens to be the poop bathroom…sorry about that. We’ll poop in our own bathroom when you’re here though, unless you don’t mind us using your bathroom for that purpose. There’s reading materials and spray in there, in case you were wondering. The peeing bathroom is the one that smells like litterbox…it’s so freaking nasty, I can barely stand it. The smell permeates into the little hallway that leads to our closet and to our bedroom. Sometimes I can even smell it from the kitchen. Gross. Guests will be spared that. However, the poop bathroom (and this was poor planning on our part) is the one with the terrible water pressure in the toilet. We’ve had a few scares. There is also a good reason why one of our first purchases at Target was a plunger.
5. When I first checked into this place, the woman in the office was super bubbly and friendly. She even said that she had lived in the apartment directly above us when she first moved in here. I thought that was cool…I always thought it was weird when people that worked at hotel complexes didn’t live there…they must get a discount, right? So anyway, she’s telling me about how great this complex is…on and on, and I’m eating it right up. So then the other day, Simon and I were walking to the mailbox when I see her giving a couple girls a tour of an apartment, and I hear her say, “This is the exact apartment I lived in when I first moved here!” Wait a minute! How many apartments has this woman actually lived in? I find her little story about living in the apartment above mine suspect. Or maybe the one about the other apartment suspect. Hmmm. She probably tells everyone that. She probably doesn’t even live here…and quite possibly never did.
6. So as I was unpacking the kitchen and putting things away, I discovered that we have about 15 pint glasses here with us. All of them are stolen from random bars…La Crosse, North Carolina, Little Rock, Burlington, Minneapolis, Denver, Boston…I may have a bit of a problem. However, as I was looking at all of them, I was insanely proud of them. I remember where each of them came from…they basically tell a story of where I’ve been. I think it’s kinda cool…not that I’m saying that stealing is cool, but having all those little souvenirs and stories to along with them…that’s pretty cool.
7. So the other day as I was toting tampons around and being a bear about it, I pondered this thought to Simon. Supposedly, women get periods because that’s our punishment for Eve eating the apple back in the day in the garden. That and difficult childbirth, which I hope to never experience. Anyway, so the point I was pondering…Adam ate the apple first, why aren’t MEN the ones that get periods? I believe my exact question to Simon was something like, “So why don’t men get the get periods? What’s their punishment in all of this?” Simon’s response: “We have to hear about it.” Touche…
8. My dog Brie has always been one to watch TV. She gets very upset when there are dogs on TV, or when there are people or animals running across the screen. She’s been known to launch herself off the couch and fly at the TV in a rage. When said object on TV is unattainable, she paces back and forth in front of the TV with the hair on her back raised, growling the whole time. When Simon and I were in Burlington, we had cable TV for the first time since we started travel nursing together. It was a treat…most of the time. We found out that Brie’s hatred of things on TV has expanded. It not only includes dogs and people running…we found that she also hates Paula Dean, Li’l Wayne, and the Shake Weight.
9. While we’re out on assignment, not only does our company find our apartment, but they also hire people to bring in furniture. Usually it’s pretty nice. The furniture that we have right now is no exception, except for the kitchen table. It’s a glass-top table and it looks really nice…however, the table top is not connected to the legs, and there have been a few instances where I’ve been leaning up against the table and the whole tabletop almost topples to the floor. I think I’ll be lucky if I make it to the end of the assignment without some sort of mishap. Maybe I should shove the table into the corner so the top can’t fall off. Or maybe I should try to be less clumsy. I think we’d be better of just shoving the thing into the corner.
10. I feel like I instantly acclimated myself to the climate here…either that or there’s a Floridian hidden inside me somewhere. Hmmm…that doesn’t sound very good. I can hear Simon right now: “that’s what she said!” Back on topic…so we’re down here in Florida. It’s at least 70 degrees everyday. Right now it’s around 80. When we left Burlington, it was in the high 20’s. So riddle me this…when it drops below 70 here, I’m freezing. 60 degrees and I’ve got my winter coat on. What’s up with that? I honestly don’t get it. I remember one day in Burlington, the temperature got to 30 degrees after a recent cold snap. I went out and about in a hooded sweatshirt and mittens…I didn’t even wear a coat. And now I can’t even handle 60? I don’t get it! My mom says it’s because of the humidity…and maybe it is. I just feel like a giant wiener running around in my winter coat in 60 degree weather. I’m from Minnesota for crying out loud…I shouldn’t get cold until at least 10 below…right??
11. So we’ve been doing some driving around Fort Myers lately, and I think I’ve figured out what it is about this town that continues to bother me. We came from cute, quaint little Burlington, Vermont. I felt like everything in Vermont was very quiet, local, and they were extremely proud of their state and all that it had to offer. Fort Myers is a chain-store cesspool. I’m so distracted by billboards while driving down the road that I’m afraid I’m going to get in an accident…I have to make a conscious effort to pay attention to where I’m going because there are so many distractions. I don’t know if there’s anything local here. I think the only place where anything is halfway original is down by the beaches, and even then I think the locality of it could be called into question. And maybe it’s difficult for things to be local in Florida…I’m sure the environment here is conducive to growing only a few select things. At least that’s what I have in my head…I really don’t have much of an explanation for why this town is the way it is. I guess I just feel like there’s no culture here, there’s nothing that Fort Myers has that is original and its own. It’s definitely taking a longer adjustment period than usual. When I first moved to Burlington, I was a bit taken aback by their lack of chain stores, but I really learned to like it and most of all, appreciate it. Hopefully with a little more time and some creative exploring, I’ll learn to appreciate what Fort Myers has to offer too.
12. And finally, I still have yet to see a manatee. I was looking at a picture of one the other day, and for some reason it reminded me of a pug. Maybe because it’s round and bumbly, and doesn’t appear to have a whole lot of intelligence. They might be very smart, I have no idea, but they just don’t look like they would be. Kinda like pugs. Maybe that’s why I’m so enthralled with manatees…they remind me of the stupid little dogs that I love so much. Can’t wait to see one…I know it’ll happen before we leave!
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